


Previously Known As

by orphan_account



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Claudia Stilinski, Alive Hale Family, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Consensual Underage Sex, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Derek Hale is a Softie, Derek is Seventeen Years Old, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Flashbacks, Fluff, High School Student Derek, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Lacrosse Player Derek, Lydia Martin & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, POV Stiles, Panic Attacks, Secret Relationship, Sheriff Stilinski is not a sheriff in this fic, Short Chapters, Summer Romance, Waiter Stiles Stilinski, Whiplash, Young Derek Hale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2018-12-15 00:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11794524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Stiles and Derek didn't intend to fall in love, but a lonely summer created an unlikely friendship which led to a summer romance neither of them could forget, all while keeping their relationship a secret. But once summer comes to a close, Derek ends the "fling" afraid of the consequences it may hold. Now back at school, Stiles has to act like nothing happened between the two of them per Derek’s request, only it’s much harder than it seems.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> Previously Known As is going to be a story about falling in love and overcoming the fear of coming out of the closet. The story will alternate between present day (after the break up) and summer (as they fall in love)
> 
> This is something I've been wanting to write for a while as it's particularly close to me! Be gentle with it please:)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

The first thing Stiles Stilinski noticed about Derek Hale was his intensely green colored eyes and from that moment forward, he could never forget him. He felt hypnotized the first time they met, unable to look away. But now, he couldn’t help but stare into Derek’s eyes again, only this time, instead of being hypnotized, Stiles was almost enraged. He wanted to punch Derek in the mouth just as much as he wanted to kiss him. He half-heartedly listened to Lydia’s story about Africa, the place she, his best friend, ditched him for that past summer. The summer he fell in love with Derek Hale only to have his heart broken three months later.

He wasn’t bitter at all.

“Hello! Earth to Stiles,” Lydia shouted, waving her hand in his face. “Were you listening?” she griped.

Stiles cleared his head in a hurry, replaying Lydia’s words in her head. She had been talking about all the kids in Africa that her church helped. He shot her a smile, nodding his head like he had been listening the entire time.

“What were you even looking at? See a freshman hottie you wanna get your hands on?” she teased.

“First of all, ew,” Stiles remarked, “I don’t go for freshman and second, I wasn’t staring at anyone, I just zoned out, sorry.”

_Liar, liar._

“Right, Stiles Stilinski doesn’t date.”

“Not by choice, Lydia. There isn’t exactly an overabundance of gay men for me to pick from.” Except for that one who no longer wanted him.

She looked amused. “Fine, I’ll let your daydreaming pass since it’s the first day back. You’ve probably been daydreaming all summer. Nobody to entertain your poor soul, tragic. Takes a while to break a habit.”

Stiles felt himself shaking with nervous laughter. He knew a whole lot when it came to habits. If daydreaming was a habit, he wasn’t sure what Derek was anymore. Maybe he was an addiction, as cliche as it was. He was like a good bottle of whiskey to an alcoholic. Once you took a sip, it felt impossible to put down.

The bell rang signaling first period for the both of them. Much to Stiles’s dismay, Lydia traveled in the opposite direction, not to Economics like himself. He traveled passed Derek who had finally stopped eyeing him. He was occupied by some of his friends from lacrosse. Stiles remembered them from the restaurant, the day Stiles and Derek met. They were easily the most obnoxious people he had served but Derek wasn’t like them.

Stiles tried to avert his eyes as he walked passed but the feeling of eyes on his skin returned and forced his gaze upward. They stared at each other, different emotions flowing through the two like rivers. It was Stiles who looked away first, feeling the pain he had kept at bay since they broke up. He walked passed him with his eyes fixed on his shoes and fought the urge to turn around and look again. It was so much harder than he wanted to admit.

Luckily, the first three periods moved faster than he expected and were all Derek free. The first day of school was always a lazy excuse to do nothing and that was all Stiles wanted to do. Worry about nothing. Lydia was in his third hour and she kept him sane enough to make it to lunch. They met up with some of their friends, all of which hadn’t spoke to him since the end of junior year, not that he was exactly complaining. They were more school acquaintances than friends. Lydia was really the only one he could tolerate.

When 5th period rolled around, Stiles knew he was going to die before he even walked in the door. Not only was it one of his least favorite subjects, English, but he could also hear the obnoxious laughs of the varsity lacrosse players from a mile away, the ones that hated him just as much as he hated them. He had learned to bite his tongue instead of getting a fist to the stomach. It was easier and way less painful. It wasn’t even because he was gay, although he figured that factored in. Most of the time, they hit him because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

Stiles sat as far from the loud boys as he could, putting himself in the far front corner near the teacher's desk. Nobody dared to move that close unless they were Stiles. He saw no problem in being close to the teacher. They always seemed to like him, sympathize with him for being that awkward kid who actually acted like he liked school.

It only took a few brief moments for his world to come crashing back down. As if being in an English class with a bunch of idiots who probably didn’t know their from there wasn’t bad enough, Derek walked in, dead last as the final bell rang overhead. Stiles felt his heart stop dead in his chest as he prayed Derek didn’t see him. He even went as far as to put his head down, both to hide himself and to control his breathing which had sped up at the sight of him.

“Derek!” someone in the back called out. Stiles had lifted his head at Derek’s name being called out and immediately regretted it. Derek was staring right at him. His heart ached deeply at the proximity. He went from seeing Derek every single day, kissing him and holding him, to doing none of those things, all because Derek deemed their relationship very unbecoming of them. Stiles looked away as fast as he could, feeling his cheeks flush red in shame. Derek took the long way, around all the chairs, to find his seat in the back of the class, all to avoid Stiles. He brushed off the sting of pain it caused.

Their teacher began to read off the roster a few minutes later. Once she was done, she looked up, analyzing the empty seats around the room.

“I know none of you like being close to the teacher or the front of the room but I’d like for everyone to move up to the closest seat in their row unless you happen to be in the front row. Make sure all of the rows are full before the next one begins.”

Stiles’s body went rigid at the idea. He knew Derek sat in the row behind him and that meant he'd be sitting directly behind him in just a few moments. Everyone else in the room began to move up if possible. Stiles wanted Derek to be close and he hated himself for feeling that way.

“Derek?” Mrs. Blake, their teacher, called out. “Are you planning on moving?”

He heard Derek’s chair move back and him gathering his belongs before the sound of his footsteps came closer. He now sat in the 2nd row opposed to the 5th. He was so close now, close enough that Stiles could smell the cologne he always wore. He wanted to bury his face in Derek’s neck. It was so wrong.

He felt so fidgety with Derek behind him. He was all Stiles could think of for the rest of the period, like how he could almost feel his breath tingling his neck. He hardly listened to Mrs. Brenner reading the syllabus to the class, not that he would have anyway.

The bell rang so many long minutes later and Stiles was out of his seat before Derek could even stop him. He could tell instantly that Derek was on his trail, following him down the hall but keeping his distance. He didn’t want anyone to know about the two of them. That was the reason they broke up, wasn’t it? Stiles swirled around with anger in his eyes causing Derek to stop. Being this close to Derek was making him feel physically ache. Everyone in the hallway kept moving past them, not even taking notice to the two stopped off to the side.

Derek looked at him with brilliant brown eyes. He looked shocked for a brief moment, probably not expecting Stiles to turn around like that, so suddenly.

“What do you want?” Stiles asked harshly. He felt his heart thump faster in his chest.

Derek blinked and stared at Stiles like the words coming out of his mouth hadn't been English. Stiles was getting frustrated.

“What do you-” he began again, enunciating each word before Derek cut him off.

“We need to talk,” he stated quietly.

“Then talk,” Stiles said roughly, crossing his arms across his chest like a small child attempting to get their way.

Derek looked around at the crowded hallway with a worried face. “Can we talk somewhere private?”

Stiles had it in his mind to shout something obscene out but he wasn’t that cruel. As much as Derek pissed him off in that moment, he’d never be that insensitive. So he nodded, and walked into the nearest classroom.

He turned back to Derek with a questioning look.

“I-I, um,” Derek said, seeming to be tongue-tied. Stiles waited patiently, trying not to show the annoyance on his face. They only had five minutes in between classes as it was and Derek was slowly taking up each minute of those.

“You didn’t tell anyone, did you?” he finally asked, uttering the words like he didn’t actually want to say them. Stiles wished he hadn’t because it only furthered his anger even more. He stayed quiet for a long second, wondering if those words had actually left Derek’s lips.

“You’re kidding, right?” he questioned bluntly. “You really think I’d tell anyone?” Did he not have any faith in him? Did he seriously not trust him after having spent three months with him?

“You could have told Lydia or something. Let it slip, I don’t know,” he replied, sounding like he was trying to defend himself.

“I told you I wouldn’t say anything, Derek,” Stiles said roughly. Derek flinched. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I’m sorry, I just can’t handle that getting out right now. I’m not ready.”

Stiles sympathized with him, he really did. He remembered how hard it had been to come out to his parents, to Lydia. Derek was in the same position and Stiles wasn’t going to say anything as long as Derek didn’t want him to. It just sucked. Being someone’s secret for so long. He hadn’t realized how much it sucked until after they broke up. As much as he wanted to go back to that summer, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t be a secret again. It wasn’t fair to him and Derek knew that.

“I’m not going to say anything, Derek. Your secret is safe with me, as it always was.”

With that, Stiles left the classroom, feeling hurt again. He needed to put some space between the two of them and he was already late for last period. This wasn’t how senior year was supposed to start. He wasn’t supposed to have fall in love but the truth was there.

He was in love with Derek Hale and despite everything, he couldn’t find it in him to actually hate him so he hated himself for that fact instead.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the kudos so far!:) I hope everyone is enjoying the story. This chapter is set in the past (summer). It will always be labeled as such so you're aware. 
> 
> Warning: There's some homophobia/homophobic language in this chapter.

**Summer**

 

Stiles waved goodbye to Lydia as she set off to Africa for the entire summer. He tried not to be upset with her departure, but it meant he'd be alone. He picked up shifts down at his family's restaurant by the pier to make some extra cash and keep himself sane. Without her, his sanity was at extreme risk. 

The restaurant was already packed full of customers by the time he arrived for his shift. Summer brought tourists and regular customers in flocks of birds. At least it was going to be a busy summer for him, enough to keep him occupied. He could only hope it went by fast.  Stiles went into the back to clock in, shouting a hello to the dishwasher, Isaac and the chef, Chris. He liked having them around, it made the restaurant feel more like a home than a workplace.

“Hey, kiddo!” his mom greeted when he came out of the kitchen, tying his apron behind his back. 

“Hey, lots of tables?” 

“It’s what we always wanted,” she said in happiness. “A restaurant full of hungry people!” 

His mom had opened  _ Beacon Hill Cafe  _ just a few years ago. They served just about everything a restaurant served, hamburgers, burritos, pizza. His mom wanted to be one of the most successful owners in town. If the summer customers kept coming like they were, they might have actually had a decent chance. 

Stiles spent most of the day working. Since school had been a priority before, he hadn’t worked much in the past few months and his feet could tell. They ached after standing and walking upon them for eight hours straight. Luckily the shift was almost over. He had been cleaning the counter of the bar when a group of boys walked in, loud and obnoxious as they could have possibly been. 

Stiles left an audible groan escape his mouth. They were closing in ten minutes! 

_ Why me?  _ he begged to know the answer. 

His mom would kill him if he turned away potential customers especially a group of rich boys who went to school with him. They’d bring other rich boys in and that was all Stiles was supposed to care about. 

He shouted to Chris to keep the kitchen open so he could serve the customers. 

With much difficulty, he forced himself to approach the table. He examined the boys, one by one. He knew a couple of them. They had been in his class that past year. Most of the were lacrosse players, except for one. He sat on the end of the booth, analyzing the menu instead of talking like the rest of them. Stiles had seen him before but he couldn’t place his name. 

“My name is Stiles, I’ll be your server tonight. Can I get you guys some drinks?” 

The talking didn’t cease although Stiles had spoken fairly loud. The only one who seemed to have heard him was the boy on the end. He lifted his head, dark brown hair shifted as he ran his hand through it. He looked up at Stiles with beautiful green eyes. 

“I’ll take a water,” he told him with a brief smile. 

Stiles nodded slowly, still weirdly enthralled by the looks of this boy. 

“And for the rest of you?” Stiles tried again, mainly to get himself from staring at the boy. 

They stopped talking, staring at Stiles like he was interrupting them instead of trying to do his job. 

“Five cokes,” the ringleader said. Stiles knew his name was Jackson. Stiles had always made sure to steer clear of him when he could. He never liked Stiles for unknown reasons. Stiles could only guess that it was because he was a homophobic asshole.

They went back to talking just as fast as they ordered. Stiles nodded, resisting the urge to interrupt him again, just for the fun of it. It wouldn’t be fun to get a fist to the stomach after Trent decided to get angry. 

The boy on the end looked up again. “Thank you,” he said politely unlike the other five. Stiles felt his heart flutter at the simple comment. He forced himself away from the table before he got awkward. 

He went into the back where Chris was on leaning against the line, annoyance plastered across his face. 

“Do those boys not know how to read a sign?” 

“I know,” Stiles replied, rolling his eyes. “But you know Mom would kill me if I turned away customers. I'd rather it have been me than Allison. She would have given them a piece of her mind if she served them.” 

“Well, she learned from the best. Now go get their orders so we can both go home at a reasonable hour. Poor Isaac is never going to go home, might as well sleep here.” 

“Sir yes sir,” Stiles joked, gathering the drinks and heading back to the table. He took their orders simply and without trouble. Again the boy on the end said thanks while the rest ignored him.

Chris whipped up the food faster than Stiles had ever seen him do and once again Stiles was back at the table, placing the food in front of the boys. He was about to walk away when he heard Jackson yell at him.

“Hey! Hey, server!” 

Stiles turned around keeping his face a neutral calm. “You know my name Jackson, use it.” 

“Oh my bad,” he said with fake guilt. “Hey fag, get us some ketchup.”

Stiles felt his stomach twist into a knot. The boy on the end looked up at him again but instead of smiling, his face contorted. Stiles feared it was out of disgust. All he could simply do was nod and retrieve the ketchup for Jackson and his friends who were cackling like lunatics. The only one who wasn't laughing was the boy but it didn't make Stiles feel any better. It honestly made him feel worse and as soon as he dropped the ketchup off, he rushed to the bathroom to calm himself down before they could see. 

Chris came to find him after a while. He couldn't make himself go back out there. 

“They're gone,” Chris announced when he found Stiles on the bathroom floor. He gave him a pitiful look before saying, “They paid the bill, don't worry.” 

“That's the least of my worries,” Stiles retorted. His breathing had slowed, thankfully. He didn’t need to have an episode in the bathroom. 

“I'm sorry, kiddo. There's going to be people like that wherever you are. You just have to put on a bold face and pretend like it doesn't hurt you.” 

“It's honestly not even that, Chris. I'm used to that coming from him. He's always been like that.” 

“Then, what is it?” 

Stiles didn't want to put it into words, didn't want to admit that he felt attracted to the pretty boy on the end. That the possible look of disgust on his face made Stiles want to throw up. He didn’t even know the boy and now he knew he was gay. It shouldn’t have mattered but he hated that being gay was what it boiled down to for some people.  

He ended up shaking his head. “It's nothing, don't worry about it. Go ahead and head home. I'll clean up and close.” 

“You sure? I can stay.” 

“No, it's cool. Isaac is still here. I don't want to keep you waiting anymore than you already have.” 

“Alright, kid, well I'll see you tomorrow. Don’t let that asshole get to you, okay?” 

Stiles nodded, pushing himself to his feet when Chris left. He returned to the dining room to bus the table that had been left in a rude mess. His eyes shifted down to the bill noticing that there wasn't any tip. At that point he didn't care. It was a $50 dollar tab, his mom would be happy. At least they paid. 

The front door opened and closed and Stiles was about to go off on the intruder before he turned and noticed who it was. He felt his stomach drop awkwardly at the sight of him. 

“I,” the boy started. 

“We're closed,” Stiles announced bluntly, turning back to silently wipe down the booth. He kept his back to the boy who, just a few minutes ago, sat at the end of the booth he was wiping down. 

“I know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to barge back in like this. I just wanted to apologize, for Jackson and the rest of them. And for myself.” 

Stiles stopped wiping the table. “You?” 

“For not saying something. Jackson shouldn't have said that to you. I should have said something to him.” 

Stiles shook his head. “It's fine, thanks.” 

The boy stood there still, even as Stiles went toward the kitchen with his tray. He turned back to him, figuring that he had more to say since he hadn’t left the closed restaurant. Instead of using words, the boy held something out in front of him, offering it to Stiles. Slowly, Stiles set the tray down, curious now. Just a few feet away, Stiles noticed it was cash in his hand, out in front of his body for him to take. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t have enough cash on me. I wanted to bring back your tip. You deserve it.” 

Stiles reluctantly took the money from his hand. At first he thought it was a twenty and he was beyond impressed but at second glance, he realized there were two separate bills in his hand, both being twenties. The bill had only been $50 to begin with. Stiles didn’t even know how to respond. He should have given it back but it was money, money he needed. 

“Please accept it,” the boy said quickly, as if he saw the uncertainty in Stiles’s eyes. “It’s not charity or anything like that, I promise.” 

“I, thank you,” Stiles forced himself to say. “I appreciate it.” 

The boy smiled softly. “Thanks for putting up with us.” 

Stiles stared at the boy before nodding awkwardly. “Well, have a good night uh,” he paused realizing he didn’t know the boy’s name. 

“Derek,” he offered. 

“Derek,” Stiles acknowledged, letting the name roll of his tongue with some familiarity.

Derek left the restaurant leaving Stiles to think he’d never see him again. He had never been so wrong in his life.


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the real chapter three update (sorry for the multiple attempts before)

Stiles had made it through the first day of school, only to return less than 24 hours later. He went through the day almost the same as the day before, but he dreaded 5th period more than anything. After yesterday with Derek, he wanted to avoid as much contact as possible. Sitting in front of Derek made him feel more anxious than normal and the fact that he couldn't even complain to Lydia made matters so much worse.

“Alright, to begin class today, we are going to do an icebreaker game! I know, it's everyone hates these but if you complain, I have a syllabus quiz in hand that you can take instead,” Mrs. Blake announced. There were a few audible groans, but nobody wanted a quiz. “Our icebreaker game involves partners.” 

Stiles began to feel like he was a freshman again rather than a senior. Partners, icebreakers, stupid feelings. 

“Your objective is to introduce your partner to the class as in depth as you can. The goal is to become more comfortable with everyone in the class since we will be with each other all year. The twist, I get to pick your partners for you.” 

Stiles felt mildly relieved that he wasn't going to have to try to find a partner in a classroom full of people who weren't his friends. 

“You'll be moving seats for the rest of the period so gather your things and move to the front of the room.” 

Stiles got out of his seat, moving to the front before Derek could get up. At least once Derek actually made it up to the front, he was on the opposite end of the group of people, nowhere near Stiles. 

Mrs. Blake began to rattle off names of Stiles’s classmates, pairing them up. The numbers between Stiles and Derek began to dwindle and he felt anxious and unsteady on his feet. He started to silently beg Mrs. Blake to not be dense enough to pair them, but nobody knew about Stiles and Derek. Nobody else saw a problem in the pairing. 

When there were only 6 people left, Mrs. Blake r called Stiles’s name, eyes scanning across the remaining students. Stiles held his breath for what seemed like the longest moment of his existence. 

Then Mrs. Blake opened her mouth again, eyes landing right on the boy who looked just as tense and rigid as himself. 

“Derek!” she announced and Stiles’s stomach dropped. 

Derek stepped forward, but Stiles didn't move. He was positive there was a look of fear plastered across his face. 

“Stiles?” Mrs. Blake called. “Did you hear me?” 

Stiles’s attention snapped at his name being called. He quickly nodded, realizing he had already caught most of the classes attention. He moved toward Derek at an unsteady pace as Mrs. Blake paired up the remaining four people. Derek lead them to the back of the class near the window. He liked to look outside. He once told Stiles that it made him feel less trapped.

“I put the questions I would like you to ask each other on the board. Make sure you are listening to each other because in fifteen minutes you will be presenting based off what you remember.”

Stiles had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. It wasn’t going to be hard for Derek or him to present in fifteen minutes. They hardly even had to ask each other the questions on the board. If Stiles was being completely honest, he probably could have recited a whole lot more than the questions on the board. 

_ Like the way his mouth felt the first time we kissed or the sounds he made when we first explored each other bodies. I knew how he sounded when I touched him in a certain way, the way his voice would catch in a moan and his body would shudder.  _

Those were some of the things Stiles was sure nobody else in the room knew about Derek or  their own partners. He suddenly felt overwhelmed and realized Derek was staring at him. 

“What?” Stiles asked roughly. 

Derek’s eyebrow lifted humorlessly. “We should probably answer the questions.” 

_ Why?  _ Stiles wanted to ask.  _ We already know the answer to all of them.  _

But that was the thing, they were supposed to forget the summer they spent together. That meant forgetting everything he knew about him and playing along with this stupid game like Mrs. Blake wanted.

“Fine.” Stiles took out a sheet of paper for emphasis. “What’s your favorite color?” 

_ Blue, like the sky.  _

“Blue,” he muttered. 

“Mine’s green.” 

Derek didn’t write anything down like Stiles did and it was mildly irritating. 

“Where were you born?” 

_ Beacon Hills, California _

“Beacon Hills, California,” he responded again and it was getting tedious. Stiles didn’t see a point in even asking each other if he could answer the question before Derek could. Derek had been born here, moved away for a few years and then returned during their junior year. He quickly became friends with Jackson and his buddies after joining the lacrosse team and that was that. 

The two went down the list of questioning, pretending like they didn’t know the answer to when the others birthday was or what their parents names were. They may have only spent three months together but they had spent every single one of those days together, falling in love, or so Stiles had believed. 

“It’s time to present!” Mrs. Blake announced, putting her phone down on the desk. A few partners went before them, some having trouble remembering some of each other's answers. Then she called on them. 

Derek went first. “This is Stiles. He was born on April 12 in San Francisco, California. He moved here with his parents, John and Claudia Stilinski, when he was ten years old. Favorite color is green, not like grass, but like the eye color.” 

Stiles had to hold himself back from shifting his entire body toward Derek at his answer. It wasn’t like it had shocked him; he had told Derek how much he liked his eyes, but he was being blantaly obvious that they weren’t first time friends like the rest of the people in the room. Most people just said green and moved on but not Derek. Of course not Derek, because he was taunting with Stiles’s feelings. 

He continued until he was done, reciting all of the answers off without any trouble. Stiles awkwardly shifted on his feet when it was his turn. He felt pressured to do as well as Derek did and he knew it was possible. He didn’t want to show Derek, or the class for that matter, that he cared so much. Knowing all this information meant he cared about Derek, cared enough to remember everything. 

“This is Derek Hale,” he began. “His birthday is December 22. He was born in Beacon Hills, but moved away a few years ago and then came back. His favorite color is blue,” Stiles trailed off as he felt Derek’s eyes on him. He could get drunk off of them if he looked long enough. 

“Stiles?” Mrs. Blake called. 

“Right, sorry. His parents names are Talia and Anthony Hale.”

Stiles went on with the rest of the questions without pausing again. When they were finished, they both went back to their seats. Stiles glanced over at Derek when he wasn’t looking, allowing himself just a few seconds. Derek eventually shifted his gaze toward Stiles and immediately, Stiles tore his eyes away, feeling the deep heat begin to rise in his cheeks. 

Every part of him wanted to talk to Derek like they used to. Or just have him hold him. He wanted to be able to kiss him in public and hold hands walking down the street, but that had always just been a fantasy. Even when they were together, they hadn’t done any of those things. Derek was scared and Stiles went along with it. He almost liked being Derek’s secret for a while. It was dangerous in an exhilarating way, sneaking behind public buildings so that he could kiss Derek. He was okay with waiting for Derek to feel comfortable coming out. He was so willing to wait that he went along with it. Stiles would have stuck around longer, continued being Derek’s secret like it was no big deal, but Derek didn’t want that for him and because he couldn’t come out, they broke up. And now, they were this. 

They were awkward, avoiding each other as much as possible, taking secret glances to get their fix. It was pathetic. They had gone from being so close to _this_. It felt wrong on so many levels but Stiles wasn’t sure if Derek felt the same way. Maybe he had actually wanted to break up with him. Maybe they actually did only have a “fling” as Derek had called it that day. 

Stiles and Derek sat through the rest of the presentations, able to keep their eyes to themselves. They went on with the remainder of their day with no side conversation after class. Stiles wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. He had an internal battle with himself all the way through sixth period and on the way home. 

When he arrived home, his mom was already there. It was odd not seeing her at the restaurant, but sometimes she made his dad manage so she could get some time to herself. 

“Hey baby, how was school?” She was in the kitchen making cookies which amused Stiles. He was surprised he wasn't a big blob because of her cookies. 

“It was fine,” he commented, not exactly wanting to get on the topic. It was fine up until 5th period.

“Did you, uh, see him?” She had asked the same question yesterday when he returned home. He had lied because he couldn't talk about it without feeling an ache inside of him. But he didn't feel like lying again, not when she was making cookies. 

“He's in my English class actually.” 

She plopped the cookie on the sheet pan and turned to him. “Oh no.” 

“And he sits behind me.” 

“Oh,” she said with a grimace. 

“Oh, wait for it,” Stiles found himself saying, “we had to introduce a partner in class today and guess who my partner was?” 

Instead of putting another cookie on the sheet, she walked over and handed it to her son. “You deserve this, sweetie.” 

Stiles smiled happily at her and plopped the cookie dough into his mouth. In truth, she never made cookies without giving him some of the dough. Stiles had threatened to stop speaking to her if she ever withheld.  

“So, how did the presentation go? Was it terrible? Awkward?” 

“It was hard to pretend like we didn’t know each other. All of the questions were so easy. I could have just answered them without thinking but he insisted we pretended like we didn’t know each other and ask the questions. It’s just so frustrating, Mom. Maybe I could have ignored him for the rest of my high school existence if he wasn’t directly behind me in English, but there’s no escaping him now. I mean, he practically cornered me yesterday to make sure I was keeping his secret a secret, as if I would do that to him!” Stiles unleashed all his pent up frustration on his mom because Lydia wasn’t a reliable source to vent since she didn’t and couldn’t know the details of his summer. 

“I’m sorry, sweetie! I know how difficult it is. Just ignore him as best as you can. He doesn’t deserve your attention. Don’t let him ruin your senior year, okay?” 

Stiles nodded in agreement. He couldn’t let Derek ruin his year. It was supposed to be fun and easy. He wouldn’t let his dumb break up with Derek get in the way of that. 

“I should go get ready for work,” Stiles commented, plucking another ball of cookie dough off of the sheet as he left. 

“Stiles!” his mom called in annoyance but Stiles popped the dough into his mouth anyway and walked away laughing. 


	4. four

**Summer**

It had been over a week since Derek and his friends showed up that night before closing. Stiles had gotten over it, mostly, but he was still pissed off at Jackson like he always was. More embarrassed for himself than anything. If Derek hadn't known of his gay status he sure as hell knew about it now. It wasn't like he wasn't going to find out eventually especially hanging around Jackson. 

It shouldn't have bothered Stiles. It wasn't like he fell in love with Derek with one look. He just found him attractive and that was that. He wasn’t going to pursue it, he wasn't going to let Jackson get under his skin and he definitely wasn't going to have a meltdown in the bathroom again. He truly regretted sitting on that sticky floor for so long. 

Chris didn't bring the incident up which Stiles was overly thankful for. Stiles hadn't pocket the money either. It just felt weird, deserved but undeserved. Derek had told him it wasn't charity, but it felt like it was. If he just had money to hand out like that, Stiles didn't want it. He'd rather him use it for something more important. 

Stiles went about his day without incident. He was relieved to say the least. During his break he Skyped Lydia who was helping out an orphanage. The connection sucked so it went in and out frequently and eventually shut off completely before he could say goodbye. He missed her. They hadn't spent a summer away from each other since they had met when they were kids. Stiles hated the separation especially since he wanted to complain about Jackson and that night. 

Chris, his favorite cook only because he made Stiles food everyday, was in the back cooking when Stiles’s dad called for a meeting. It was a slower part of the day and there was only one customer left in the restaurant. Stiles’s mom was tucked away in the back office, doing paperwork. 

“We got a complaint from a customer last week. I didn't bring it up because I wanted to settle it with the customer first, but I'm bringing it up now. I will not point fingers at anyone but know that this is directed to all of you. We had a group of boys come in a few nights ago before close.”

Stiles’s stomach dropped, suddenly thankful his mom wasn’t in the room. It was enough coming from his dad. 

“They said they felt unwelcome, heard some of you talking about them in the back for showing up so late. I realize you all want to go home, but we aren't officially closed until 10. If someone shows up at 9:59, you serve them. I don't like getting complaints. We are meant to make our customers feel welcome, give them a good experience and not serve them with a bad attitude.”

His father’s gaze went straight to him.

Of course Jackson would have complained about Stiles trying to stick up for himself. That was exactly what Jackson thrived off of. 

“I want you all to try more this summer. It's a big summer; we are going to have a lot of customers and I do not want any more complaints about this stuff. Everyone understand?” 

There was a unanimous sound of agreement.

“Alright back to work, thank you guys.”

Stiles turned to leave but his dad gripped him by the shoulder. 

“I'd like to speak with you, Stiles.” 

He brought Stiles into his office and sat him in one of the chairs in front of the desk. Stiles shouldn't have been nervous but he found himself wiping his sweaty palms on his apron multiple times before his dad started to speak. 

“Obviously you know that meeting was directed at you.” 

Stiles nodded staring down at his feet. He hadn't really done anything wrong, but his dad wouldn't care. 

“You're my son, Stiles. You're supposed to be the prime example in this place. I don't know what actually happened, but I have to take my customers word for it.” 

“Instead of your son's?” Stiles asked in disbelief. 

He sighed. “Tell me what happened.”

God, he didn't want to bring it up. It made his stomach clench in discomfort. 

“Nothing, okay? I'll take the blame. Give Jackson whatever he wants so he doesn't sue us or something.” 

“Stiles, I want to hear your side.” 

He didn't two seconds ago, but Stiles had walked into this one. He could have easily just taken the hit and moved on. 

“They came in a few minutes before close. I was the only one serving still. There were six of them. I told Chris to keep the kitchen open. I didn't make any remarks to their face, but Chris got annoyed and we joked. Everything was fine, but he called me  _ server  _ and it pissed me off. I have a name tag and he knew my name. So I told him to use my name. He, uh,” Stiles didn't want to say the last part out loud. He hated the word. 

“He called him a fag,” Chris’s voice explained from behind him. 

His father’s eyes snapped upward in shock. “He did?” 

Stiles nodded awkwardly. 

“Stiles didn't say anything back. He just brought them the ketchup they wanted and he went into the bathroom to cool down. I'm the one who gave those boys a piece of my mind.” 

Stiles looked up in disbelief. Chris stuck up for up him. 

“So that little shithead is blaming your son for simply sticking up for himself. Stiles didn't say anything. He's twisting the story and making it seem like Stiles was the one who bad mouthed them. So if you're going to punish anyone, punish me.” 

Stiles’s dad shook his head. “Neither of you are getting in trouble. I didn't know any of this when I talked to Jackson. One of you should have told me.” 

“I would have, but I didn't think it was a big deal.” 

Chris agreed. “We didn't want to make a big deal of it. They paid the bill and left. It wasn’t worth bringing up again.” 

Stiles didn’t want to talk about it anymore as he felt his cheeks heat up for multiple reasons. 

“Can we get back to work?” Stiles questioned, already on his feet. 

“Yeah,” his dad responded. “I’m sorry, kiddo. I didn’t know. He shouldn’t have said that to you, but I’m glad Chris was there to help out. I’ll make sure your mom hears your side too, okay?”  

Stiles tried to give him a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, Dad. Thanks for hearing me out.” 

He left the office before he could say anything more to him. He wasn’t mad at his dad for not asking. He wouldn’t have brought it up if he hadn’t, but at least he apologized for assuming that his son was the one at fault. Stiles had a big mouth, but he wouldn’t have jeopardized his dad’s business because of it. 

“What did you say to them, Chris?” Stiles asked after they left the office. He had already gone behind the line so Stiles had to look through the heat window to see him properly. 

“I just told Jackson he should respect the people dealing with his food. I may or may not have told him I spit in his food.” 

“Chris!” Stiles gasped and laughed afterward because it was actually funny. Chris would never spit in anyone’s food. He viewed his work as pieces of art. 

“Thanks, Chris.” 

“Anytime kid.” 

Stiles turned to go back into the front of the house, but stopped himself as a question arose in his mind. “Jackson wouldn’t have paid the bill if he thought you spit in his food. Who paid the bill?” 

“The one on the end, not sure what his name was. He paid for everyone after Jackson and his friends left the bill sitting there.” 

Derek paid the bill. Derek paid a fifty dollar tab and still gave Stiles a forty dollar tip on top of that. His heart fluttered for a moment at the kindness. He quickly dismissed the feeling. 

“Thanks for everything again, Chris. I shouldn't have wimped out in the bathroom without making sure they paid.” 

“Like I said, anytime. I'll be there for you, kiddo. You're a good kid and I'll spit it anyone's food who says otherwise.” 

Stiles laughed his way out of the kitchen and then his breath left him in one big rush. Allison was seating Derek Hale in his section. Derek was alone. He prepared himself to literally get on his knees and beg Allison to take the table for him, but it was almost her break. Stiles sighed, quickly gathering himself. He could do it. At least he was alone right now. 

“Hi, I'm Stiles. I'll be your server, can I get you something to drink?” Stiles went through his script although Derek already knew his name. 

Derek looked up at him with those damn eyes. Then he smiled and it was perfect in every way. He had dimples and straight teeth and when he smiled his nose scrunched up for a second. Stiles felt lovestruck and then he felt stupid. 

“Hey,” Derek said quietly. 

“Hey yourself,” Stiles replied, keeping his tone even. “Are the other neanderthals coming?” 

Derek laughed, like actual laughter instead of getting offended that Stiles had just called him and his friends Neanderthals and it startled him. 

“No, it's just me,” Derek responded after the laughter had died down. 

Stiles didn't know how to respond. It was like his tongue didn't want to properly form words for him. He stared at him and Derek stared back. 

“Oh!” he said as he realized something. “I just want a water, please.” 

Stiles realized his moment of realization was him thinking Stiles was staring because he had asked a question. It, in fact, was not. 

He returned with a glass of water after collecting himself in the back. He wasn’t sure why Derek kept making him lose control. He didn’t even know him and he sure as hell couldn’t like him either. Stiles blamed it on the fact that he was being nice. 

“What can I get for you?” 

“What do you recommend?” 

It was Stiles’s favorite question if he was being honest. He liked to pick and chose items for his customers and see if they liked it as much as him. But the fact that, Derek, the boy with the beautiful eyes and wonderful manners, was asking him, it made him nervous. 

“Uh, well my favorite is the green chili beef burrito. Chris makes the green chile himself. It’s really good if you don’t like overly spicy foods, like myself. But if you do, substitute the green chili for the red chili sauce or the ghost pepper sauce, although I do not recommend that unless you want to feel your insides burn.” Stiles caught himself before he rambled on too much.

Derek continued looking intently at the menu before moving his eyes upward toward Stiles’s. “I’ll take the green chili beef burrito, please.” 

Stiles nodded, trying to suppress the smile that wanted to form on his lips. He loved when customers valued his opinion and ordered what he suggested. 

“Coming right up.” 

Stiles reentered the kitchen and entered the order into the system. 

“Chris, I have a burrito coming up. It’s for the boy who was here that night. The one who wasn’t a complete asshole.” 

_ The one who gave me a $40 tip.  _

“So I shouldn’t spit in his food?” 

Stiles chuckled, shaking his head. “Please don’t. I recommended it to him and I want it to be good.” 

“The one who paid the bill?” 

“Yeah, him.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll make him the best damn burrito he’s ever tasted just so you can impress him,” he said with a wink and Stiles ran out of the kitchen before Chris could notice the red spreading throughout his face. 

He didn’t like Derek. He didn’t know Derek. But there was no doubt in his mind that he had some sort of infatuation for Derek. It wasn’t a crime. He wouldn’t let himself go any further than an infatuation, quick and over with as soon as Derek walked out that door.

Stiles brought the burrito out for Derek and set it in front of him. He began to walk away. 

“Stiles,” Derek called out and a jolt went through his body. 

“Yeah?” he answered, coming back from the few steps he had taken away from him already. 

“Stay here while I try it.” 

It was an odd request but Stiles couldn’t say no. So he did as he was told. He stood at the other end of the table, watching as Derek took the first bite of the delicious, mouthwatering burrito. Although, Stiles wasn’t sure what was making his mouth water more. 

“Holy shit!” Derek said with a mouth full of the burrito. “Oh my God,” he practically moaned. 

“Good?” 

“Uh, yeah!” 

Stiles smiled feeling successful. 

“Thank you!” Derek said, gleefully taking another bite. 

“Thank Chris, he’s the one who made it.” 

“You have good taste, Stiles Stilinski,” Derek said after swallowing. 

That stopped Stiles from moving. “What?” 

“I said--” 

“No, I heard you, but how do you know my name?” He had only ever introduced himself as Stiles.

“Oh. We had a class together last year. I came at the end of the first semester. I sat in the back. I thought you looked familiar last time I was here so I looked you up in the yearbook. Sorry, didn’t mean to be stalkerish. I was just curious.” 

“I don’t remember you,” Stiles told him, trying to wrack his brain but nothing was coming up. 

“We never spoke. You sat in the first row, I think. It was a science class. Nobody really interacted.” 

“You’re friends with Jackson though?” 

“Friends is a very suggestive word. We hang out with some of the same people. I’m not a terribly big fan of how he treats people.” 

The question slipped out of Stiles’s mouth before he could properly stop it. “So, you’re not homophobic like he is?” He remembered the face Derek made when Jackson had called him a fag. He could only describe it as disgust at that time but maybe it was something else. Pity?

Derek’s eyes went wide. “No! No, I’m not homophobic. I wouldn’t be talking to you if I was, right? Not that being gay is your entire person. Even if I was homophobic, I’d probably still think you were a nice dude. But I’m not! So here I am. I’m just going to stick this burrito in my mouth so I shut up.” 

Stiles laughed at the awkwardness. “Well thanks for not being one of those assholes who judges people off of their sexualality. I’ve got your tab today. I hope you enjoyed your burrito, Derek.” 

“Wait, I can pay for my own tab,” he insisted. 

Stiles shook his head. “Think of it as a thanks for your business, your kindness and your tip from the other night.” 

Derek wasn’t homophobic and it made Stiles feel like he was floating. He had been so worried about yet another person silently judging him that he hadn’t even thought Derek could be one of the nice ones who looks past the gayness inside of him. He deserved a free burrito. 

“Well, thank you, Stiles.” 

Stiles offered a smile. “Enjoy the rest of your burrito, Derek.” 


	5. five

Stiles had made it through the first week of his senior year which he now knew as hell. Not only were the teachers piling on homework and projects already, but his parents had already begun to hound him about college. On top of everything, he had the constant reminder of Derek behind him everyday during 5th period. Luckily, Mrs. Blake hadn’t made them do any more icebreaker activities, but Stiles still felt agitated whenever he walked into the class. They hadn’t spoken since that day, but his presence was enough.  

Luckily, the weekend saved him from that hellhole. He spent Friday with Lydia, catching up with her and scoping out colleges for himself. He worked Saturday night unlike everyone else he knew. He needed the money for college and it wasn’t just going to be handed to him.

When Sunday rolled around, Stiles was back at the restaurant, serving tables and collecting tips. Lydia sat across from him at the bar while he polished silverware during his downtime. She kept him from wanting to collapse on the floor.

“So, I was thinking that before we go off to college, we should have one last adventure!”

Lydia was always about adventures. It was the main reason she went to Africa, that and to help the orphanages. When they were younger, they had dreamt up all of the places they were going to go, all the things they were going to do. Life seemed to get in the way of most of them but they managed to have a few adventures to remember.

“Like what?” Stiles asked, wiping off the millionth fork from the bucket. Sometimes he hated the busy work he was given.

“I was thinking we could go up the coast, Washington or Oregon. It could just be a weekend roadtrip. You know, since we are both probably going to different colleges. I just want one last trip, to close out our story.”

“Don’t act like our story is ending just because of college. We will still see each other.”

Lydia laughed. “Okay, sorry! Close out our high school story.”

“See, now that won’t be a sad goodbye.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’ve always hated high school. The second we stepped off the bus as freshman's you hated it. What’s it ever done to you?”

 _Everything._ “College is different. People are more accepting, more open.”

“I understand, you want to let that freak flag fly,” she joked with a chuckle. Stiles knew she was only messing with him, but he threw a towel at her anyways.

The door opened to the restaurant catching both of their attentions. Stiles’s breath got caught in his throat and the fork clattered back into the bucket with the others. He felt his chest tighten and constrict.

_Not now, Stiles._

Lydia turned back to Stiles and immediately concern crossed her face. “You alright? Are you going to-”

“I’m fine,” Stiles responded roughly, eyes still attached to the boys that had walked in, seating themselves in their normal booth. Derek was with them. He hadn’t been in since they broke up and now he was sitting there and Stiles felt like he couldn’t breathe. He just wanted a weekend without seeing his face. He _needed_ a weekend without seeing his face.

“Is it Jackson?”

 _No,_ he wanted to say but instead he nodded because he couldn't explain it to her, not now, not ever. He made Derek a promise that he intended to keep no matter how much it infuriated him.

Lydia was one of the few people that knew about Stiles’s panic attacks. His parents had put him on medication when he was younger, when they first started happening. They didn’t always happen but when they did, he absolutely hated them more than anything. Only certain things triggered him now and apparently serving Derek in front of five other boys was one of them now.

“Ask someone else to serve them,” Lydia suggested, assuming Jackson was the reason for Stiles’s sudden change in mood. He could feel the sweat begin to collect on his forehead.

“Allison's on break and the others don’t come in until tonight. I’m the only one on the floor.”

Lydia looked worried. “Okay, just take some deep breathes. If he says anything, I’ll go over and give him a piece of my mind.”

Stiles tried to laugh but it ended up sounding choked. He didn’t understand why Derek was causing him to have a panic attack now of all moments. There had only been two other times when he had done that and it hadn’t been directly Derek’s fault either of those times. The first one had been Jackson’s on the night Stiles met Derek and Jackson called him a fag. He had felt humiliated and pathetic as Derek had sat there, wide eyed and concerned. The second time was Stiles’s brain making him think that Derek didn't want him; turned out his brain was right.

“I can take their order? I could honestly work here if I wanted to.”

Stiles shook his head. “I-I’m good.” He had to do this. It was just Derek. Derek, who had sat behind him in English for the past five days and not caused a panic attack. Maybe it did have something to do with Jackson being there too. Or the fact that Derek was in the same booth as when they first met.

He wiped off his forehead with his sleeve and made his way over to the table with shaky hands. He needed to calm down. If he had a full blown attack in front of all of them, he’d never recover.

“Hey guys, my name is Stiles and I’ll be your server. What can I get you to drink?”

Stiles avoided eye contact with Derek. It seemed to help his breathing calm down.

“Cokes and water for Derek over there, always try to be healthy,” Jackson responded and Stiles was relieved he didn’t say anything rude. If he had called him a fag or something worse, Stiles would have imploded right there.

He rushed away before Derek could catch his attention. He could feel his eyes on him after he left the table. Lydia watched him with concern then threw a thumbs up at him for encouragement. He returned with the drinks, slowly giving each of the boys their drinks. The content in each cup threatened to slosh out due to the shakiness of his hand.

“Derek,” Jackson said right before Stiles was about to take their order. He waited patiently. “Tell us about that girl you fucked over summer, what was her name, Erica?”

Stiles nearly dropped his pad of paper.

“Uh, Jackson, now’s probably not the best time for that,” Derek said awkwardly, gesturing towards Stiles who was still waiting for their orders.

“Whatever, the fag doesn’t care. That stuff doesn’t even turn him on.”

Stiles clenched the pen. He could feel Derek’s gaze shift upward, trying to find his eyes but he wouldn’t budge.

“Just let him take our orders, Jackson. I’m kind of hungry,” Derek said, opening his menu.

“Fine,” Jackson replied. “I want the cheeseburger, onions, cheddar cheese, ketchup and mustard on the side with fries.”

Stiles nodded, not trusting his voice in that moment. He could feel himself losing control of his breathing. The other boys ordered and last, Derek ordered, same thing he always got when he came in because Stiles had suggested it to him so long ago. It never changed.

Stiles felt himself walk away but he didn’t feel like he was in control of his body anymore. It was like he was floating away. He placed the ticket next to Lydia, muttering for her to put it up for him and then floated to the bathroom, aware of how bad his breathing had gotten by the time he shut the stall door.

He pulled his knees to his chest, trying to take in long, deep breaths to ease his racing heart. He sounded like a strangled animal for a few minutes before he could bring his breathing down. His hands were still shaking beyond his control. Tears collected in his eyes before he violently wiped them away, willing himself not to sob.

Everything was replaying in his head. Jackson calling him a fag in front of Derek again. Jackson mentioning Derek _fucking_ a girl this summer. He felt like he was going to be sick. He also felt stupid for getting so worked up about Derek, to the point where he was having an episode. He hated how he had little control of them.

The bathroom door opened and closed followed by footsteps that stopped in front of his stall.

“Stiles?” Derek’s voice came from the other side. He sounded genuinely concerned. “Stiles, are you okay?” The door shook from Derek’s weight being pressed against it.

Stiles suddenly hated that Derek probably knew he was having a panic attack, over him even. He knew Stiles had locked himself in a stall because he couldn’t control his breathing or the shaking of his hands. Derek had experienced Stiles’s attacks before. He had once comforted him through one but this time was different. This time, he was the cause.

“Stiles, please answer me. I just need to make sure you’re okay.”

“Is what he said true?” Stiles questioned, cursing at the sound of his voice, bordering tears.

He heard Derek sigh “No, he’s being a dick. It’s just a rumor. Please, Stiles. Open the door and let me talk to you.”

“We are talking, Derek,” he bite back.

“Look, I can’t leave you in here like this. Just open the door and I can help you through it,” his voice full of worry. Stiles desperately wanted to yank open the door and let Derek hold him until he stopped shaking but he couldn’t. It wasn’t like before when Derek could calm him down with gentle kisses and whispers of sweet nothings. They were broken up; comfort and cuddling weren’t permitted after a breakup.

_Is he that dense?_

“Just go away, Derek. I don’t need your help. I don’t need anything from you. Go back to your friends. Go find Callie or whatever if you want to talk to someone.”

“Stiles,” he sounded pained. “Is this happening because of me?”

Stiles didn’t respond.

“I’ll leave if it’s because of me. I’ll let you calm down but if it wasn’t me, let me help you, p-please.”

“Of course it was you, Derek!” Stiles let the words flow out of his mouth at an unstoppable rate. “You walk into my restaurant like nothing happened. Sit in the same fucking booth as the first time, order the same food! You want me to act like nothing happened this summer so that you aren’t branded a fag too. You let Jackson call me awful things like you aren’t the exact same thing he hates! Sitting in front of you in English makes me want to pull my hair out even if you aren’t talking. Just you being anywhere near me gives me fucking anxiety so forgive me for having an attack, Derek. Forgive me for not being able to control myself when I hear that you screwed a girl this summer! I’m having an attack because of you, because you and your stupid friends make me nervous and panicky so please, spare me and leave me alone. And do me a fucking favor and stop acting like you care.”

The opposite side of the door was silent. He could still see Derek’s feet under the stall so he knew he hadn’t left yet.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t know, I didn't mean to. But trust me, I didn’t sleep with anyone else. I’m not that kind of guy, Stiles. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Yeah, well you did. Please,” Stiles let out a shaky breath, “just leave me alone so I can calm myself down.”

After a few moments, he heard the feet retreat and the door open and close before the bathroom fell into a silence once again. It took several more minutes before Stiles’s breathing returned to normal. He lifted himself from the toilet seat, composing himself. He still had a job to do. He didn’t need his dad on his back about yet another thing.

When he returned, Lydia was waiting patiently for him. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “I hate those, sorry.”

“No need to apologize. You don’t have any control over them. I’m not surprised that Jackson triggered it though.”

Stiles wished desperately that he could tell Lydia that it wasn’t just Jackson that made him go into panic mode. He wanted to tell her the truth but he wasn’t going to do that to Derek. Derek might have made him nervous and caused his attack but he wasn’t going to out him like that. He wasn’t that kind of guy. The same way Derek wasn’t supposed to be the kind of guy who slept with a girl even though he was gay.

But Stiles wasn’t sure if he believed that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Derek's going to get better, I promise. But he's a big ass right now.


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just because I like to torture you guys;)

**Summer**

Derek showed up at the restaurant on and off for a couple weeks after their second encounter. Sometimes he’d sit at the bar and talk with Stiles when he wasn’t busy and sometimes he would take a booth, order his burrito and read. He was a curious thing in Stiles’s mind. He wasn’t quite sure why he kept showing up, alone even. But it wasn’t like he minded. Derek was nice to look at compared to his regular customers. Stiles liked to watch him when he read, although he felt like a creep but Derek got really into his books. At one point, Stiles had even written the title down of one of them so he could read about it and maybe spark a conversation with Derek about it. 

It was around the sixth or seventh time that Derek came around when Stiles worked up the courage to ask him the question that had been lingering around in his mind. 

“Hey, Derek!” he greeted, sitting down in the booth with him. 

“What’s up, Stiles?” He put the book down, staring at him. Stiles always felt like he was melting when Derek stared at him. 

“I just wanted to ask you a question.” 

“Shoot,” Derek responded. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but why do you keep coming here? Alone?” 

Derek raised an eyebrow. 

“Don’t take it the wrong way!” Stiles yelped, scared he was already, in fact, taking it the wrong way. 

Derek smiled and relief flooded through Stiles’s system. 

“Other than the brilliant burrito, you mean? Well, I like that it’s mostly quiet in here whenever I come so I can read but I also like the company. I like talking to you, Stiles. I guess I figured I owed you after what Jackson did so I came in to make up for it and I just kept coming back. I figure it couldn’t hurt to make myself another friend, right?” 

Stiles’s stomach fluttered. “I like talking to you too, Derek. You’re good company and you give really good tips.” 

“Only for the best,” he said with a playful wink. 

Stiles felt his heart thump heavily. He knew he was going down a dangerous path, one he should have stopped traveling down while he could. There was no solid proof that Derek was even gay. He hung out with Jackson, of course he wasn’t gay. But Stiles found himself liking him more and more every time he opened his mouth. 

“What time do you get off?” 

“Like never, why?” 

“I wanted to talk to you without you being distracted by the other customers. You have to earn that tip somehow.” 

“I’m closing tonight, but if you wanna stick around, I can probably sneak you a slice of pie. My parents won’t mind. I eat them all the time when I stay late.” 

“Your parents?” 

“The owners and my bosses. It’s both convenient and inconvenient. I did get in trouble  for apparently being snarky to Jackson the first night you came in. It’s like getting lectured at home except for it happens in front of all my coworkers. I guess Jackson took my request to say my name instead of the other word as being snarky.” 

Stiles had only meant to say it playfully, to explain why it sometimes sucked to work with his dad but Derek’s face fell almost immediately. 

“I’m really sorry about that, Stiles. I should have said something. I should have stuck up for you at least. You didn’t deserve that. You definitely didn’t deserve to be lectured for sticking up for yourself.” 

Stiles shook his head quickly. “No, I didn’t mean to bring that up again. You seriously do not need to apologize again. You didn’t even know me a few weeks ago. I didn’t expect any of you to say something to Jackson.” 

“But I should have.” 

“Fine, you should have said something, but I forgive you for not. And I’m kind of glad you didn’t say anything because then you wouldn’t have come back in feeling all guilty and sparked this little friendship we got going.” 

“I’m glad we met, Stiles,” Derek said after a long moment of silence. “I need more friends like you and less like Jackson.” 

“Like me how?” Stiles asked nervously. He didn’t want to be that token gay friend everyone always imagined having. He was okay with being friends with Derek even if he wasn’t gay, but he didn’t want to be used. 

“Open,” he said simply. 

“Oh,” Stiles replied, unsure of himself now. 

The kitchen door swung open and his dad stood there, staring at them from a distance. 

“Duty calls,” he explained, getting up from the booth. 

“That pie thing still an offer?” 

“Yeah.” Stiles nodded and felt a blush spread across his cheeks. He ducked his head before Derek could see. 

“Then we’ll talk after close, yeah?” 

“Sounds good,” Stiles answered. He tried to keep his voice even but there was an excitement inside of him that he hadn’t felt before. He felt his heart speed up like it did when one of his episodes were approaching but there was no fear in his chest. He left Derek to read his book and suddenly, he had never wanted a shift to end faster. 

“Who’s that?” his dad asked when he made his way over. 

“Just a guy.” 

“Just a guy, huh?” He saw his dad wink insinuating more. 

“Oh God, Dad, stop it! He’s just a guy. We just started talking. He’s definitely not gay, okay? So there’s zero chance there, but I like talking to him. At least I have someone to talk to while Lydia is gone.” 

“How are you so sure he’s not gay?” 

“I mean, look at him. Does he look gay to you?” 

He sighed. “Nobody looks gay, Stiles. You don’t look gay but you are. How would you feel if someone assumed you were straight?” 

“I don’t know,” he replied with a shrug. He really didn’t. Maybe if people believed he was straight they would treat him differently. Sometimes he wished he hadn’t come out when he did. Of course he didn’t want to live his entire life in a lie but he could have easily waited a little longer to spill his secret. Some days were harder than others but ultimately, being out and proud was what he wanted no matter what shit people said about him. 

“Don’t assume things, Stiles. For all you know, that boy could be crushing on you and thinking you’re the straight one.” 

Stiles laughed at that. Derek already knew he was gay. 

“You know what I mean. Don’t shoot down the idea before you find out the truth. You’d be surprised with some of the answers you get.”  

“Yeah, okay.” 

Stiles went back to work, trying to ignore his dad’s words, but every time he passed Derek in the booth, his heart fluttered and he wondered, in what universe would someone like Derek be gay? Stiles wished that it was this universe. Unfortunately, there was no way to come right out and ask him if he played for the other team. He pushed it into the back of his mind for the time being. For now, he just wanted to be friends with Derek.

 

* * *

 

Derek was still in the booth by the time the last customer had left. All of Stiles’s coworkers had gone home including the chefs. Isaac was the only one left, finishing up the rest of the dishes in the back. Stiles and Derek were the only ones in the front which had become oddly quiet. Before he sat down, he grabbed two plates for the pie. Realizing he had no idea which kind of pie Derek wanted, Stiles stood awkwardly. 

“What kind of pie do you want?” he finally asked after analyzing each pie they still had. “There’s blueberry, cherry, apple and peach.” 

“Blueberry, please.” 

Stiles smiled to himself, noting that they liked the same kind of pie. He platted them and found his way over to the table. He slide the pie toward Derek with a fork stabbed straight through the middle. 

“Blueberry lover too, huh?” Derek commented when he saw Stiles with the same pie. 

“My mom said it was by far her favorite food when she was pregnant with me. Maybe that’s why I’m addicted to it like it’s air.” He took a large bite, savoring it in his mouth. “She’s actually the one who makes the pies here,” he noted with his mouthful. 

“Well, tell her it’s amazing.” 

After a few minutes of silent eating, Stiles attempted to start a conversation. “So where’d you move from?” 

“Santa Cruz. My dad missed Beacon Hills. Thankfully it was only a few cities over instead of states. It still sucked though, middle of my junior year. It’s good here, I’ve come to realize. It feels more like home than it did when I left and the weather's still nice.” 

“Were you born in Beacon Hills?” 

He nodded. 

“What about you, Stiles?” 

“I love it here. I’m happy here and I'm glad I moved here.” 

“It’s definitely grown on me since I got back. Maybe it's the people," Derek answered, staring at Stiles in a way that made him fidget. 

“I still can’t believe I didn’t know you were in my chemistry class last year! Like I almost feel bad for not remembering you. Usually new kids catch people’s attention.” 

Derek shrugged. “I wasn’t exactly talkative but I wish I would have talked to you back then. I think we would have been good friends by now if we had spoken.” 

“I think we could still be good friends.” 

“Yeah,” Derek replied sounding hopeful. “I’d like if we could be.” 

They went on talking and the more they spoke, the more Stiles felt like they were flirting. He dismissed the idea at first but he couldn’t deny it after a while. He was going along with it. It felt natural but his heart began to seize in a panic when he remembered that Derek probably wasn’t gay and if Stiles made any moves on him, he could just see the rumors beginning to spread about Stiles in all the worst kind of ways. 

He replayed his dad’s words in his head. There was a part of him, a hopeful part, that wanted Derek to be gay like him. He wanted to be able to like him in that way, more than this platonic bullshit he was trying to convince himself to pursue. It would be easier that way but in all honesty, after talking to Derek for the past couple weeks, Stiles would take him however he could have him. He felt comfortable with him and that was something he hadn’t felt around another person other than Lydia in a while. 

“I should probably get going,” Derek announced, looking at the clock on his phone. It was almost midnight. They had talked for almost two hours. 

“Yeah,” Stiles replied, feeling disappointed. 

They both stood from the booth, facing each other. Were they supposed to hug? Wave goodbye? Shake hands? Neither of them seemed to know quite what they were supposed to do in that moment. 

Stiles’s eyes fell to Derek’s lips, mesmerized by them for an odd reason. He wanted to kiss him. He felt like Derek knew him and he knew Derek only after a few hours and a few short conversations later. It was a feeling he couldn’t deny. 

He wanted to kiss Derek Hale. 

He didn’t feel like himself. The Stiles Stilinski before meeting Derek wouldn’t have kissed a guy he wasn’t even sure was gay. The other Stiles wouldn’t have even thought about it. He hardly knew Derek. 

_ Don’t kiss him, Stiles.  _

_ Kiss him, Stiles.  _

“Well, thanks for the pie and the company,” Derek said, breaking the tension between them. He stepped forward into Stiles’s space, holding his hand out awkwardly for a handshake. Stiles wanted to snort. 

He needed to be honest with Derek. Their friendship couldn’t start without laying everything down. He didn’t want to get attached only to have Derek rip away when he found out he had feelings that were more than platonic. If it was something that bothered him, Stiles decided it would be better to know sooner than later. 

“Derek,” he said quietly. “Can I be honest with you?” 

His palms began to become clammy and he could feel his hands tremor. 

_ Just be honest.  _

“Of course.” 

“I want to be friends. I really, really do because talking to you is great. It’s like talking to my best friend, Lydia and I haven’t been able to talk to anyone without feeling somewhat nervous in a while. But I think I need to lay something out on the table before we keep hanging out.” 

Derek looked at him in confusion. “What is it?” 

_ Breathe.  _

“I like you, Derek,” he blurted out. “I found you attractive the first time you came in and then when you came back with the tip, I realized you weren’t like Jackson and his friends. And then you just kept coming and talking to me and tonight you stayed for me. So I think I like you and I know that might freak you out or repulse you, trust me, I’m used to it. Just be upfront with me now, can we still be friends knowing that I feel more?” 

Derek’s eyes had grown wide. 

Stiles wanted to hear him say, “I like you too, Stiles” or “Of course we can still be friends” but neither of those sentences left his mouth. In fact, nothing left his mouth. Instead, he stood in silence, causing Stiles to really regret his sudden boldness. Damn his dad and Lydia for telling him to put himself out there and be brave. Damn the universe for making Derek straight. 

“J-just forget I said anything,” Stiles panicked, collecting the plates from the table. “Pretend like none of those words came out of my mouth. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. It was stupid.” 

“I-I, I gotta go,” Derek replied quickly and without another word, he bolted out the door. 

Stiles sagged into the booth, feeling his heart crumble inside of him. 

He realized he had just screwed up a very good friendship in the making and he wanted to scream. Instead, he slammed down the dirty dish, watching it shatter into multiple pieces, yelling unflattering words under his breathe. Then he realized he was going to have to sweep it up and the irritation grew even more. 

Why did he do that? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you worry my little readers, we all know this isn't the end for them. They've still got a whole summer of lovin'
> 
> Thanks for the continued support:)


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter but three chapters in three days!

By the time Stiles went back to school, he had all but forgotten about his panic attack. Derek didn't say anything and his eyes didn't linger like they normally did. When Stiles had to pass him a paper and their fingers brushed, he seemed to rip away like it hurt him. It was like that for the rest of the week. Stiles should have been relieved but he felt a pit in his stomach that had begun to grow. He almost felt guilty for sending himself into a panic attack because of Derek but it wasn’t like he could control them. He still wasn’t sure why it had happened. His best guess was that seeing Derek out of schools set him off. He could deal with in school encounters because they were infrequent and only for an hour long period at a time but something about seeing him in the place where they first met, in that very booth; it made his heart seize in a panic and it just went downhill from there. 

Stiles had his first friday off pretty much since he started working and he planned to spent it lounging out in his bedroom, playing video games and pretending like the rest of his life didn’t exist for a few hours. Unfortunately, it seemed like nothing ever worked in his favor since Lydia showed up at his house with an unfamiliar face tagged alongside her. 

“Why aren’t you dressed?” 

Stiles squinted at her. He was, in fact, dressed, as much as he wanted to be on a lazy Friday evening. He could have easily opened the door in his boxers but he had more decency than that. He didn’t want to permanently scar another UPS guy again. 

“For what exactly?” 

“The senior fair, Stiles!” 

The senior fair. He had forgotten that was actually a thing. Technically everyone could come. It was only called the senior fair because seniors could get in for free unlike the rest of the folks who had to pay a nice little fee to get in. Stiles didn’t really feel up to going but it wasn’t like he had much of a choice, not when it came to Lydia. She was all about senior festivities. She had been waiting for all this since she was a freshman. 

“Go get dressed, we will wait on the couch for you,” she ordered, inviting herself in. She dragged the unfamiliar boy inside with her. 

“Who is he?” Stiles asked bluntly. 

“Oh! Sorry, this is Aidan! He came to Africa with me. I thought I mentioned him.” 

Stiles wasn’t exactly sure if Lydia had or had not mentioned this Aidan guy. He hadn’t been paying attention to most of her stories when she came back. 

“Right,” Stiles replied quickly, excusing himself before Lydia could say anything more. 

He huffed as he tugged on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. 

_ Fresh air might do me some good,  _ Stiles thought and hoped he wasn’t wrong for once in his life. 

 

* * *

 

It took exactly two seconds to Lydia to ditch him once they arrived. Nothing sucked more than hardcore third wheeling. It wasn't like rides sat three people across. He didn't mind being left alone, it helped him relax for once in the last few days. He walked around, catching up with some of his friends before finding a churro stand and grabbing one for himself. He was a sucker for everything sweet. It was in his blood. 

The line for the Ferris Wheel had gone down and the sun was beginning to set. Stiles made his way over, realizing it looked mildly pathetic for him to go on it by himself but he decided he didn’t care. He liked watching the sunset and the breeze would be particularly nice higher up from the ground. 

“Next!” the ticket collector yelled. Stiles handed him his ticket and held up one finger to indicate he was a lone rider. He didn’t feel like announcing it to the world but the ticket guy had other plans. “We got a single here! Any other singles?” 

“Oh God,” Stiles said under his breath. He climbed into the seat, praying that nobody else would have to sit by him. He waited, scanning the crowd and telepathically telling everyone that he’d punch them in the face if they rose their hands. 

But then a hand went up, far in the back of the line and Stiles’s hand wrapped around the metal bar to keep himself from bursting out of the seat. 

“I’ll go,” Derek said, approaching the ticket collector with his own ticket in hand. 

“Oh no, no, no. Dude, no,” Stiles whispered, keeping his head low. If he jumped out of the seat now, he’d catch too many people's attention.  He was surprised Derek was even doing this, being seen with Stiles in public. He had grown so used to hiding themselves whenever they went out that if felt weird to have him so damn close with people looking. 

Derek climbed in next to him, situating himself but not saying anything to Stiles as the ride began to move upward. Stiles pulled himself to the opposite side of the seat, hugging the metal bar. He must have looked terrified but in truth, all he wanted to do was touch Derek and have him touch him back. He missed the way his skin felt, the way his lips tasted like that honey lip balm he always had on. A whine left his lips mistakenly as the memories became too overwhelming. 

Derek immediately turned to him. “I’m sorry! I really didn’t mean to make you have a panic attack the other day. God, I’m such an asshole. I shouldn’t have come in. It’s not fair to you. And now I’m sitting next to you on a damn Ferris Wheel because I feel like this is the only way I can get you to listen to me without walking away,” he sped through his sentences so fast that Stiles had a hard time keeping up. 

The last part made him snort.  _ Catch me on a Ferris Wheel so the only way I can get away is to jump off the damn thing.  _

He reached for Stiles, on instinct or something and Stiles flinched, not expecting the sudden contact. Derek’s face fell. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he whispered, yanking his head back. 

Stiles felt his heart sink at the pathetic way Derek looked down at his lap. He didn’t necessarily mean to flinch, it had just been unexpected. 

“Derek,” he muttered, sounding halfway to pathetic himself. 

“I’m really sorry about the other night, Stiles. I didn’t think I trigger you. Shit,” he breathed, brushing a hand through his hair, “I just wanted to see you. It’s not enough looking at the back of your head everyday during 5th period. I miss you, Stiles. I know I’ve been a dick. I know what I did to you wasn’t fair but I can’t stand us not talking. I miss it. I miss  _ you _ .” 

Stiles closed his eyes, taking deep breathes. He was nowhere near another attack but he had to calm himself down before he did something irrational, like reach over and kiss him like he wanted to. 

“Just stop apologizing, please,” Stiles sighed. “I’m not scared of you, okay? You make me nervous but that’s it. And I only freaked out because seeing you out of school, in that same booth, it just made me remember when we met.” 

“I wish you would have told me that. I was worried about you, Stiles. I wanted to make sure you were okay, that was it. I know I don’t deserve your attention anymore. When we broke up, I hated it myself for doing that to you. It was so wrong of me to end things like that.” 

“Then why did you do it?” Stiles questioned harshly. “You continue to hurt me, let other people hurt me. If you care so much, why do you keep letting it happen?” 

“I didn’t want you to have to be a secret anymore. I should have said something to Jackson. I'm so sorry for letting him say that to you.” 

“Shoulda, coulda, woulda, Derek. It doesn't matter anymore.” 

The Ferris Wheel stopped at the very top, looking out at the city around them. Stiles tried to imagine how it would be if they were still together. They’d be holding hands. Stiles wouldn’t have been squeezed against the side of the seat, he’d be pressed against Derek’s side, arching his neck up for a kiss. If Stiles had it the way he wanted, they would have never broken up in the first place. 

“Please,” Derek whispered desperately. “I can’t not talk to you. It doesn’t feel right. To go from talking everyday to  _ this. _ I get if you don’t want to talk to me anymore. I'll respect that, okay? How I broke things off with you wasn’t right, I know that. I was scared, Stiles. I'm still scared out of my mind. You make it look so easy. You have your parents and Lydia and everyone at the restaurant. They just all support you  and don’t give a shit about what other people think. I only ever had you and now you're gone too. I wanted to come out, for you but I just couldn't so I acted like an asshole. I know this is a bad excuse for an apology,” he rambled, sounding out of breathe by the end of it. 

“Yeah, it's a bad apology,” Stiles couldn't help himself. After everything, he deserved to get a jab in there and make Derek feel worse about himself. 

“I'm sorry.” 

“I'm not going to say I forgive you, Derek because I don't. You are not forgiven  _ yet  _ but I do miss talking to you too. I'm tired of dodging you at school. It's kind of pathetic of us. I think we could  _ try _ to be friends.” Stiles knew it was probably a bad idea, a very bad idea but he couldn't stand the desperation in Derek’s voice. He had apologized and although it wasn't very good, it was still a step in the right direction. 

“Friends,” Derek breathed. “I'd like that.” 

“Okay, now shut up and let me enjoy the rest of this damn ride in peace.” 

He could see Derek smiling out of the side of his eye. It made his own mouth want to stretch into the same kind of smile but he held himself together. They both stared off into the distance as the ride went around. It felt normal even if only for a minute. The two of them together again somewhere in between love and hate. 


	8. eight

**Summer**

Stiles had wandered home that night feeling sort of out of his body. He could feel a panic attack coming if he didn’t calm down his already racing heart. He should have expected Derek’s reaction. It wasn’t something you just outright told someone you barely met, especially if they also happened to be a guy and you liked them. For straight people it was easy. All they had to do was be upfront with each other and if it worked out, it worked out. He wished it was that simple. Boy likes boy, boys fall in love, the end. Sweet and simple. 

He was thankful for his parents already being asleep when he got home. He didn’t want to explain to them that he had messed up the first real-feeling friendship he had since Lydia. Sleep didn’t come easy when his mind was racing like crazy. He kept replaying the conversation in his mind, imagining other ways it could have gone.  He figured it had gone the worst possible way it could have. 

The next day he showed up to work, half hoping Derek would be in his booth, reading another book. The booth never held Derek all day, instead it was occupied by other bodies who Stiles had no interest in. Nobody seemed to take notice of his disappointment other than his mom but Stiles guessed that was only because her recently frequent customer who got a green chili burrito and a blueberry pie every day wasn’t there. 

“Where’s your friend?” she asked late in the day. Stiles had been staring at the door for at least half an hour like a lost puppy. 

“Not here,” he said bitterly. 

“What happened? Isaac said he heard something break last night and you cussing.” 

Stiles groaned. Isaac and his big mouth. “Nothing happened. I broke a dish, said a few angry words about it and cleaned it up.” 

“You sure you don’t want to tell me? I know I’m just your mom but you can seriously tell me anything. I can see something’s bothering you about that boy.” 

“It’s nothing, Mom. I really don’t want to talk about it. I made a bad decision, it bit me in the butt and now I have to deal with it.” 

“Oh come on, Stiles. Spit it out, I’ll let you go early if you tell me. Perks of having your mom as a boss, huh?” 

Stiles rolled his eyes. The idea of leaving early really did entice him. He knew Derek wasn’t going to show up. He had screwed up and now Derek wasn’t ever going to speak to him again. He’d probably tell Jackson and his buddies about it and they would laugh about Stiles in ways he didn’t want to hear. He should have just kept his mouth shut and went on being friends. 

“I told him I liked him,” Stiles spit out feeling the overwhelming need to tell someone to get it off his chest. He already felt bad enough and normally he would have gone running to Lydia but she happened to be across the ocean. 

“Okay, and?” 

“He just left. All he said was that he had to go and then he left.” 

“This boy, what’s his name?” 

“Derek.” 

“Derek. You admitted you liked him and he left without responding, right?” 

“Basically, yeah,” Stiles answered. “I wanted to be out in the open so he could decide if he was okay with being friends if he knew I liked him. I didn’t want to hide my feelings. I feel connected to him and I didn’t want to screw it up but look at me now, I screwed it up.” 

“Kiddo,” she said with sympathy. “You did the right thing. If he can’t be friends with you because you like him, then it’s his loss. Or best case scenario, he was busy and couldn’t make it. He doesn’t come everyday, does he?” 

“Lately he has been.” 

She patted Stiles on the cheek. “Give it some time, Stiles. I know things feel bad right now but they’ll get better. College is going to be great for you. Less people like Jackson and more people like Lydia, you’ll be so happy.” 

Stiles nodded solemnly. “Thanks, Mom. So I can leave early?” 

“Anytime, sweetie. And yes, you may leave early. Go do something for yourself for a change. You’ve been spending too much time in this place.” 

He had the perfect idea.

 

* * *

 

His perfect idea wasn’t far from the restaurant, a short walk actually but it was away from most people. It was a perfect place to watch the sunset and it tended to be one of the more quiet places he found in San Diego. It took a little climbing and some awkward balancing techniques on his part but once he was up there, on the cliff, everything else melted away. He discovered it a few years back when he was pissed off at his parents and since then, it had become his little spot, just high enough away from everyone and everything. 

He sat on the cliff with his legs hanging out over the dark water. The sun had dropped low in the sky, almost past the horizon. It would be dark soon and the climb back down wasn’t so ideal in the dark. He just wanted a few more minutes of peace. 

The sky had dimmed into darkness with a hint of light by the time Stiles decided to get up. He lifted himself off the hard rock and went to turn around and almost smacked into someone else’s chest. A shrilling shriek escaped his mouth as he rushed to cover it in embarrassment. 

Derek Hale stood in front of him, wide eyes and frozen in place. 

“Sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you. I was about to say something when you got up. Uh, first of all, it’s a bit of a workout to get up here, just to let you know. Why are you even up here?” 

_ Maybe because you walked out on me after I was truthful and open with you! _

“Why are you up here?” Stiles bit back in annoyance. First, he left Stiles without an excuse then he didn’t show up at the restaurant like he normally did and now he was standing in front of him like it was no big deal. Stiles had been blaming himself since Derek left. 

“I went to the restaurant before closing. I found your parents and they told me you were up here. I needed to talk to you. I owe you an explanation for last night. I shouldn’t have run out on you like that. I probably should have said something.”

_ Yeah, probably.  _

Of course his parents had told him where Stiles was. He tried not to be angry at them for revealing his secret location but at least Derek had suffered a little on his way up. Just the simple fact that he had shown up was enough to make Stiles beyond confused. 

“So, could we talk?” 

“Should probably get off the cliff first,” Stiles muttered, leading the way. He was willing to talk to Derek but not where he went to calm himself down. If it ended badly like before, Stiles would rather not have that kind of memory correlated with his spot. Plus, he didn’t need Derek toppling off the cliff on their way down because he couldn’t see. 

He led the way down the rocky side of the cliff until they were back on safe grounds unharmed. They walked for a few paces before settling on the sand awkwardly. Stiles didn’t know where else to go. He sure as hell wasn’t going to go back to the restaurant and the beach was pretty much empty save a few scattered people. 

“I owe you an apology, Stiles,” he stated, watching him carefully. Stiles forced himself to stare out at the open ocean opposed to Derek’s beautiful face. 

“For what?” he wondered quietly. Stiles felt like he needed to apologize to Derek for being so upfront and harming their friendship. He bit his tongue before he said something stupid again. He watched both of their legs swaying stretched out in front of them. Their feet bumped a few times in awkwardness. Neither of them said anything for a while, only remaining in silence. 

“Stiles, I,” Derek finally spoke after the long dragged out minute of silence. “I’m really sorry about yesterday, for how I acted.” 

Stiles shook his head. “No, Derek. I’m the one who should be sorry. I should have just kept my mouth shut. It wasn’t something I normally throw out there for someone’s ears to hear. I just thought being upfront with you was a good decision. I thought letting you decide if we could still be friends with that knowledge was a good plan but I regretted it the second it came out. And I guess by you walking out, you made your decision.” 

“That’s exactly why I came here, Stiles. It’s why I went to the restaurant and tried to find you. I felt awful after I left but I guess I needed to think before I came back and talked to you. I made you feel guilty about something you shouldn’t feel guilty about. I appreciate you telling me the truth, I really do because I-” he swallowed, “Stiles, I think I like you too.” 

Stiles’s entire body went rigid at his words. 

_ No, he meant something else. He meant he liked me as a friend, right?  _

“Right, as a friend,” Stiles said as calmly as possible. 

“No,” Derek shook his head, “Stiles, this is incredibly hard for me to say, so please just listen. I haven’t ever admitted this to anyone else. The reason I acted the way I did, why I left, was because I didn’t want to admit what I felt. I’ve been so scared of it since I realized how I felt that I dismissed it. I acted like a complete ass.” 

“Derek,” Stiles said quietly. 

“Just let me finish, please. I like you, Stiles, m-more than a friend. When I met you and we started talking, I just wanted to be friends but we kept talking and I found myself constantly showing up at the restaurant. I knew I felt something but it was a familiar feeling I had denied for so long. And then you admitted that you liked me and God, I wanted to say it back, Stiles, I wanted to so badly because you’re the first one I’ve seriously felt something with.” 

“So you’re not repulsed by me?” 

Derek turned toward him in a violent movement. “Stiles, why would I ever be repulsed by you?” 

“I thought that was why you walked out. I thought my admitting I had feelings for you freaked you out. I didn’t realize that there was a possibility of you liking me back. I didn’t even think you were gay!” 

Derek smiled shyly. “Well, I am.” 

“So you ran because you have the same feelings for me as I do for you?” 

He nodded slowly. 

“How long have you know?” 

“About what?” 

“That you liked boys?” Stiles tried to make it not sound like such an invasive question but he was curious. 

“I think for a while,” he commented softly. “I knew but I kept denying it. I was younger and I didn’t quite understand why everyone had this fascination with girls. It scared me more than anything. I never told anyone; I thought it would just go away. But meeting you, realizing you liked me, I guess I made me want to stop denying how I felt for one second and accept it.” 

Stiles reached for Derek’s hand without thinking and intertwined their fingers. It was meant more as a comfort but when skin touched skin, it felt like so much more than that. 

“I’m sorry for leaving, Stiles. I’m sorry for making you think it was your fault, that I was repulsed by you. I’d like to keep being friends, maybe work into something more than that if you want.”

Stiles nodded, leaning toward Derek’s shoulder and resting his head against it. “We can do that.” 

“C-can we take it slow?” 

“I’m good with slow,” Stiles added, squeezing his hand over Derek’s. 

“And Stiles?” 

“Yeah?” Stiles felt like he was floating again. 

“Can you promise to not tell anyone? I haven’t exactly come out yet,” his voice bordered fear and Stiles immediately sympathized with him. He remembered how scared he was to come out and how he put if off for a long time, thinking it was just a phase like Derek said. He’d protect Derek’s secret for as long as Derek wanted him to. It wasn’t his place to spill it. 

“Your secret will be safe with me, Derek.”  _ Always.  _

He felt a sigh escape Derek’s tense body and he let his head sag against Stiles’s as they looked out at the dark ocean beyond them. 

Derek  _ liked _ him. 


	9. nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been 84 years... I'm sorry.

College applications were already beginning to stack up on Stiles’s desk in his room. His parents wanted him to apply for all the colleges he could possibly get into and even some he had no chance of getting into. Essays for scholarships, applications, keeping his grades up. He just wanted to get into college and move on with his senior year as swiftly as possible. Lydia was hardly any help at all. She had already been accepted into a college. All she had to worry about this year was keeping her grades high which had never been a problem for her. Stiles tried not to be jealous. 

Luckily, because his parents desperately wanted him to get into a good college, Stiles didn’t have to work while he worked on applications. They called it “college week”, a straight week free of work where Stiles finished as many college applications as he could along with their respective scholarship opportunities. Stiles decided to call it “hell week” because by the end of it, Stiles’s hand had cramped up, his room was a mess and he wanted to cry, mainly out of happiness, as he mailed the applications, clicked send on some of his emails and closed all of his many tabs on his laptop. 

He was almost relieved to get back to school the following Monday. It meant his “hell week” was over. It also meant he’d get to see Derek which equally excited him and frightened him. 

Since the ferris wheel incident, Derek had gradually been speaking to him, asking for an extra pencil or reviewing the homework before class. Stiles liked it although he knew he shouldn’t have. He should have still be angry but just the small effort of speaking to Stiles in public instead of being secretive made Stiles gleeful. When Derek had asked to be friends again, Stiles didn’t truly think he meant it. He thought he was going to drag him back into the secret life of bullshit that had been going on for so long. Instead he did the opposite and Stiles figured he could try to be more civil if Derek tried too. 

When Stiles arrived to 5th period on Monday afternoon, Derek was already there which wasn’t normal. Most of the time, Derek was the last one into the classroom. He had a hard time listening to the bells when they told him it was time for class to start. 

Stiles walked over to his desk and let his bag fall to the floor. 

“Well, you’re here early,” Stiles said with his back turned toward Derek. He still had a hard time looking into his whiskey eyes. They’d surely lead him into some sort of oblivion. 

“I figured sitting was better than standing around in the hallway. My legs hurt today,” he commented back nonchalantly. 

“Why’s that?” 

“I went for a run last night.” 

Stiles couldn’t help but notice how awkward their conversation sounded. It was so uneventful, nothing like all of their conversations before. They were still walking on very thin ice with each other. 

Derek’s friend, Boyd, came in and found his seat. Stiles had learned his name during the icebreaker game on the second day of school and unlike most of the guys Derek seemed to hang out with, Boyd was considerably more tolerable. He had his flaws as everyone did but he was nice to Stiles so Stiles decided he would be nice back. 

“Are you going to the afterparty on Saturday?” Boyd asked Derek after he situated himself. Stiles half listened to their conversations most of the time, mainly because he was bored and they were speaking. 

“I’m not sure, man,” Derek replied. “I might. I’m not even sure if I’m going to homecoming.” Stiles had almost forgotten that homecoming was on Saturday. He was surprised Lydia hadn’t bugged him about it yet. 

“It’s supposed to be a really great party,” Boyd encouraged. “Most people go to homecoming for like an hour then go to the party. You should go to both. It’s your first and last homecoming here and the parents will be out of town so it’s going to be killer.” 

Stiles rolled his eyes. All any of those people cared about was partying, getting laid and drugs. He was sort of glad he was never invited to those parties. He’d feel out of place the entire night. 

“I’ll think about it,” Derek replied as the final bell rang. 

Mrs. Blake gave them a pop quiz on the novel they were reading outside of class. Stiles hadn’t been terribly prepared since he had completely forgotten there was even reading over the weekend. He answered a few only because he knew the basic premise but once the questions got more in depth, he was at a loss. 

Apparently Derek noticed. 

“A,” he whispered so quietly that Stiles wasn’t sure if he had imagined it or not. “16 is A,” he said again. 

Stiles quickly circled the answer and went onto the next one but was equally as stuck. He heard Derek chuckle behind him before whispering the next answer under his breathe. 

“Boys,” Mrs. Blake interrupted abruptly. “You weren’t just cheating, were you?” 

Stiles kept his head down, feeling the heat of embarrassment seep into his cheeks. 

“No at all, Mrs. Blake,” Derek responded before Stiles could muster up an answer.

She scoffed. “I’m sure you weren’t. Detention for both of you today after school unless you’d like me to call the principal and have him deal with it.” 

Stiles lifted his head in a hurry, shaking his head. He didn’t need the principal to deal with his minor cheating infraction. If his parents found out, he’d be dead. 

“As I thought. Hand me your quizzes, you’ll both receive zeros. Make sure you study for the next one so you don’t fall behind in my class. I wouldn’t want that to happen.” Mrs. Blake was a mix of bitchy and caring. It was a strange combination but Stiles didn’t complain. At least she wasn’t turning them into the principal. 

The bell rang after a long time of Stiles staring at a blank desk as the rest of the students finished their quizzes. He gathered his belonging, rushing past Mrs. Blake as quickly as he could. 

“Stiles,” Derek called as they left the class. 

He swung around, shocked he was actually speaking to him outside of the classroom. Normally the second they both departed from English, the talking ceased. It equally thrilled and worried him. 

“What’s up?” Stiles tried to say like he wasn’t totally freaking out on the inside for multiple reasons. 

“I’m really sorry about that,” he said, gesturing back toward the classroom. “I didn’t mean to get you into trouble.” 

Stiles laughed, feeling awkward but then again, he always felt awkward around Derek. “It’s no big deal. You were only trying to help me. Which I appreciate. I completely forgot about the reading. It was a weird weekend.” 

They both turned as a loud group of people came down the hallway. Stiles recognized them as some of the football players who Derek hung out with. Among them, like a leader among his pack, was Jackson. Stiles turned back to Derek, seeing the tension underneath his skin. Stiles wondered why Derek was still friends with him if he feared him. 

To save Derek before Jackson noticed him, Stiles excused him. “I’ll see you in detention, Derek.” 

He disappeared from sight before Derek could respond.

 

* * *

 

“Detention!” Lydia practically shouted when Stiles told her after school. Technically he was already late but he figured he was already in trouble, he’d already be late for work too so waiting a little bit longer wasn’t going to hurt anyone. 

“Just make sure you don’t get in anymore trouble, got it? I do not need my homecoming date stuck in detention on Saturday like the freaking  _ Breakfast Club _ .” 

And the homecoming bomb had dropped. It was hopeful thinking on Stiles’s part to dream that she had forgotten but it was Penelope Holt he was talking about. That girl lived for occasions when she could dress up. 

“Homecoming?” Stiles groaned only because he wanted a reaction out of her. 

“Yes, you grouch! We are going to homecoming.”

“What about that guy you brought to the fair?” Stiles had already forgotten his name, that was how insignificant he was. He figured since Lydia brought him to the fair, she’d bring him to homecoming too. 

“Oh, him.” 

“I take it that it didn’t work out?” 

“Well he was a dick, let’s leave it at that,” she grumbled. 

Stiles wanted to know more but he trusted that Lydia would tell him when she was ready. He hugged her goodbye and promised he’d call after detention was over so that he could tell her all of the “juicy details” about what happened especially since Derek would be there too. Then he headed off to detention and an awaiting Derek. 

Surprisingly, they were the only two in the classroom beside the grumbling teacher up front. Apparently, detention in the first month of school wasn’t very common. Since Stiles walked in late, he felt awkward, searching the room with all the empty seats, except for one. If he didn’t sit by Derek, it would be weird but if he sat right next to Derek, it would still be weird. He strategically placed himself a seat over from Derek so that it wasn’t like he was avoiding him but he also wasn’t directly next to him. 

The teacher up front didn’t say anything to either of the boys and the room felt overly stretched in silence. It made Stiles feel anxious. He felt the need to say something to Derek considering their current circumstance. Technically they were both in trouble only because Stiles hadn’t cracked the cover of the required reading. Derek had just been being nice. 

The hour of detention went by painfully slow. Neither of the boys said anything to each other for the first half an hour. Stiles had put his head down against the desk for a few minutes and when he lifted it again, Derek had moved himself into the desk next to him. Stiles nearly fell out of his chair. 

Derek bit back a smile. “Hey, I wanted to invite you to that after party Boyd was talking about in class today.”

“Huh?” Stiles gawked, completely caught off guard. 

“The afterparty, after homecoming. I wanted to invite you, you know, as a friend.”

Stiles’s face was probably laughable in that moment. He didn’t know what to say to Derek. He didn’t want to deny the invitation because it would have looked inconsiderate. Derek was attempting to be friends. 

“It’s not exactly my kind of crowd,” Stiles said awkwardly. It was the truth, nothing inconsiderate about it. Derek knew he didn’t fit in. 

“Not really my crowd either,” he replied quietly. 

Stiles couldn’t help but think that they were each other’s crowd, not exactly fitting in with a lot of people but with each other, it just worked. Of course, he didn’t say it aloud because admitting that was a little too much now. 

They sat there quietly, twiddling their thumbs like the awkward teenagers they were. 

“Just think about it,” Derek said after a while. “We all need to break out of our shells at some point, right?” 

Stiles had a hard time not assuming that Derek meant something entirely different than a social shell. He only wished Derek would deliver on that statement rather than just say it but it wasn’t his place to decide. It never had been and he spent the past few weeks realizing that. Derek had to come out on his own, in his own time like Stiles was given. Nobody rushed him so he had no right to rush Derek. He just couldn’t be his secret anymore. 

Stiles smiled, something close to his genuine one and went back to messing with him thumbs and later, scrolling through his phone like he had more than one friend. By the time detention was dismissed, Stiles left without saying goodbye. He couldn’t get over the fact that Derek had actually invited him somewhere, somewhere public. It wasn’t like Derek invited him as a date or anything but just the simple fact that he  _ invite  _ him made him feel blissfully happy. 

When he got home, he knew he was going to be in trouble for getting detention and for cheating but he was too happy to care. He wondered if Derek was turning over a new leaf, if they could go back to the way they used to be or if he was convincing himself of something that was never going to happen. 


	10. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another one for my loves because I made you guys wait for a month.

**Summer**

Stiles was giddy the entire next day. His parents could tell that evening went well. Although neither of them pressured him to reveal the news, Stiles almost couldn’t keep it in at dinner. He remembered Derek almost pleading with him to not tell anyone and Stiles had promised he wouldn’t. Derek was scared and Stiles wasn’t going to hurt their trust. 

“How did everything go last night?” his dad asked, finally cracking and asking what Stiles knew he wanted to ask all day long. Both of his parents were always eager to hear about developments in Stiles’s love life, although they had been pretty nonexistent for a while. 

“It was good,” Stiles answered, shoveling another spoonful of rice into his mouth. 

“That’s all we get? It was good?” 

Stiles shrugged, trying to contain himself. He wanted to blurt it out and act like a love-struck teenager but he resisted, shoving more food into his mouth so that the words couldn’t slip out accidentally. 

“Fine, fine. You don’t want to tell your parents. I get it.” His mom was always unbelievably good at applying the guilt. 

“It was good, we talked, he apologized for leaving and that was it,” Stiles told them, at least trying to sound somewhat convincing. It was like they could tell that was not all it just by looking at him. He scooped more rice into his mouth and chewed, staring down at his tacos that he hadn’t yet touched. 

“So you guys are good?” his dad questioned. “We’ll be seeing him at the restaurant more often now?” His dad loved regulars like more than he loved tacos which was why they ate them every Tuesday even before  _ taco Tuesday  _ had become a popular thing. 

“I don’t know, Dad. He may or he may not. I didn’t exactly get around to asking him if he was still down to spend his money at our restaurant every few days.” 

He looked over at his mom who almost looked fidgety in her chair. 

“Mom, are you-” 

“Oh my God, Stiles! Does he like you or does he not?” she said in a rush, words flying out of her mouth. 

Stiles nearly spit his food out. 

“Claudia!” Stiles’s father exclaimed. 

“Oh don’t _Claudia_  me, John. You know you’ve been dying to know too.” Sometimes, his parents acted more like teenagers than him and Lydia combined. 

“Well yeah, but I’m not going to poke and prod into our son’s life if he doesn’t want to come right out and say it. But you know, since the question is on the table, do you have an answer for it?” 

Stiles’s face went deadpan. 

“Fine, you don’t need to answer it. It’s your decision but I’ll give him a free burrito if you answer.” 

“Dad!” Stiles said flabbergasted. 

He held his hands up in defense. “Alright, alright! I concede but you better hurry up and eat your tacos before I snatch them from you.” 

Stiles stared down at the greasy tacos once again and suddenly didn’t feel like eating. He desperately wanted to tell his parents about Derek, about how he confessed his liking toward him and how he so badly wanted to ask him out on a date at some point in the near future. He would have hated if someone had outed him before he was ready so he kept his mouth full of bites of tacos even though his stomach twisted awkwardly. 

“You should still give him a free burrito if you feel so inclined,” Stiles whispered. “You know, so he keeps coming back.” 

Stiles’s dad smiled almost knowingly but didn’t say a word.

 

* * *

 

When Stiles showed up to work the next day, Derek was at his normal booth except he wasn’t alone. Another body sat across from him and Stiles nearly choked on the water he sipped off of when he realized who it was. 

It was his dad. 

“Why’s your dad talking to Derek Hale?” Allison questioned when Stiles approached the host stand. Stiles had almost forgotten the fact that she went to their school and knew Derek which almost made things worse. 

“He’s a regular,” Stiles tried to sound convincing. “You know how he likes to talk to regulars.” 

“Poor Derek, probably just wanted to enjoy his burrito,” she laughed. 

“Who took his order?” Stiles asked feeling a sting of unhappiness that he didn’t get to talk to him. 

“I think your dad did.” 

_ Oh lovely.  _

Stiles didn’t want to be a creep and wander over there to interrupt their conversation but he also didn’t trust his dad. He could have honestly been trying to get Derek to admit that he liked Stiles since his own son wouldn’t give him the details. The worry began to eat away at him so much so that he couldn’t stop himself from moving toward the table. 

Derek looked up at him with those brilliant eyes and smiled. His dad looked up at the same time. Stiles tried to keep his expression neutral in front of his dad but inside, he was buzzing just from a simple smile. 

“Hey,” he finally said, directing it to Derek but figuring his dad would think it was for him too. “Whatcha two talking about?”

“Your dad was just telling me about the restaurant,” Derek commented back. “He said you've been a really big help. Which is shocking considering you're always slacking off,” he continued with a sly laugh. 

Stiles grinned, rolling his eyes at the boy. They probably couldn’t have been more obvious if they tried but Stiles didn’t care. The restaurant was packed with their lunch rush and Stiles surely should have been working yet he couldn’t tear himself away from that stop. He felt every boyish emotion that came with liking someone and he was floating. 

“Anyway, he offered me a free burrito because apparently on your tenth visit, you get a free meal?” 

Stiles had to hold in his laughter. That  _ so  _ was not a thing. “Oh yeah! I never told you about that? Ten visits equals a free meal. It gets people coming back.” 

“How do you keep track of that?” 

“I guess we’re just good with faces,” Stiles replied quickly but he was still on the verge of laughter. It was a horrible lie on his dad’s part, however, he couldn’t just come right out and offer a free meal for liking his son because that would have gotten awkward real fast. 

“Well thanks, Mr. Stilinski.” 

“Just call me John,” his dad offered with a smile. “It was real nice talking to you, Derek.” 

“Yeah, you too. Thanks for the burrito! I'm probably going to get fat if I keep getting these free.” 

Stiles’s dad chuckled, waving him off and disappeared into the kitchen. Stiles stood next to the booth, knowing he need to go work. His coworkers were already glaring at him but he didn't want to leave Derek. 

“He didn't get awkward, did he?” 

Derek smiled. “No more than any other father.” 

“So, I don't have anything to apologize for?” 

“Not at all. He was just being nice.” 

_ Good _ , Stiles thought to himself. 

“I gotta go work,” Stiles announced awkwardly, “but I really want to maybe hang out afterwards?” 

“Yeah?” Derek questioned sounding just as hopeful.

“Yeah, just hang out and talk,” Stiles answered, keeping the excitement in his voice to an acceptable amount.

“I'd like that,” Derek replied shyly.

“If you wanna come after close, I'll stay behind and let you in. I think my mom just made a blueberry pie this morning.” 

Derek quirked up at the mention of blueberry pie and gave Stiles an excited smile. “Okay, I’ll be back tonight.” 

Stiles bite his lip in a smile. “Cool.” 

“Cool,” Derek replied shyly. “I’ll see you tonight.” 

“Tonight,” Stiles repeated. He made himself move from where he stood, passing Derek in the booth. His fingers brushed against Derek’s hand as he passed and a jolt went through his body. Derek let his hand fall back to the booth much to Stiles’s disappointment. He forced his body to keep walking although all he wanted to do was turn around and fully hold Derek’s hand instead of the innocent brush he had just felt. 

Derek left eventually, catching Stiles’s eye as he left. Stiles gave him a small smile and watched him disappear out the door. He was so anxious for that night. Derek wanted to take it slow and Stiles wasn’t exactly opposed to going slow as well. He was really the only guy Stiles had felt something for in a while. There was also that fear that Stiles tried to ignore, telling him that Derek was only experimenting, that he wasn’t actually into Stiles the way he wanted him to be. But he pushed that fear into the back of his mind and stopped listening to the voice. Even if Derek was experimenting, Stiles didn’t care. He liked Stiles and that was all that mattered. 

Of course that night of all nights, his dad decided to stay late. Stiles tried to busy himself in an attempt to make it seem like he wasn’t purposefully trying to stay after his shift. He wasn't planning on telling him about Derek coming since now he knew Stiles had a thing for him. He'd make a big deal about it and eventually the truth would slip out and he wasn't going to have that. 

“You coming, kiddo?” his dad asked when he was finished in his office. Stiles was sitting in a booth folding napkins which he never did. 

“Is it cool if I just stay here for a little while? I was thinking of sneaking a piece of Mom’s pie and finishing this pile.”

His dad smiled. “Sure, kid. I'll let Isaac know you're still here on my way out. Don't be too late.”

“Thanks, Dad!”

“See you at home,” he said with a wave goodbye. 

Stiles breathed a sigh of relief watching him leave. At least he didn’t question why he was staying late. He’d probably have to slip Isaac some cash to keep his mouth shut if he saw Derek come in. But Stiles didn’t necessarily care; he was too damn giddy about seeing Derek again. Just talking to him made him happy. 

He finished folding the napkins and plating two blueberry pie slices but Derek hadn’t come yet. Stiles forked at his pie, taking a couple of bites of the crust but he was slowly losing his appetite. It wasn’t like he told Derek exactly when to come but they had closed over an hour ago. Derek should have shown up by then. 

Isaac came out to say goodnight to Stiles and left with no other questions. He was slightly relieved and kind of annoyed at the same time. After another half an hour, Stiles shoved the other slice of pie into a togo container since he couldn’t put it back and it was too good to throw away. He gathered his belonging and turned off the lights before leaving.

The back of their building was always kind of freaky at night. It was a empty lot with nothing else behind it other than the porta potties for the beachgoers. Stiles’s car was the only one left in the lot especially at this time of night. He clutched onto the pie, trying not to think bitter thoughts about Derek for not showing up. 

Just as he reached his car, someone grabbed him on the shoulder. Without even thinking, Stiles swung his free hand at the attacker nearly cutting him with his keys before realizing who he was about to cut through. 

“Holy mother of God, Derek!” he screamed, heart beating like a damn freight train. “You seriously need to stop doing that or attach a bell to your neck or something! Are you trying to kill me?” 

Derek was frozen with a terrified expression on his face. His hand was still raised in the air except he looked more like he was trying to protect himself against Stiles’s blow. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something but Stiles stopped him, noticing the way his hands shook and the look in his eyes. It wasn’t just from the fear Stiles probably just knocked into him. His eyes were puffy and red, noticeable even in the dimly lit lot. 

“What’s wrong?” Stiles immediately asked, forgetting about the fact that he was just screaming at him for scaring him. 

Derek looked utterly broken. 

“I-uh,” Derek tried to say. “Fuck, I’m sorry I’m late.” 

Stiles shook his head. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it. What’s wrong?” 

“It’s nothing, I’m fine,” he responded, rubbing his eyes like it would get rid of the evidence. Stiles gulped feeling his heart stutter in his chest. Derek’s happy demeanor was gone and it was killing Stiles. 

“Seriously, Derek. I mean, you scared me half to death, probably knocked a good year off my life. I think you owe me an explanation for standing me up.” It was meant to come out jokingly but he sounded way too serious. Stiles cringed at his words the second they left his mouth. Standing up required them to have been on a date and that wasn’t what it was. 

“I’m sorry, Stiles,” Derek whispered, sounding so sad. “I should have called or texted but I didn’t have your number and there was some stuff going on at home so I couldn’t leave. I should have called the restaurant or something. I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to stand you up or scare you half to death.”

Stiles sighed, feeling bad for him. He was still shaking, avoiding Stiles’s eyes every time he tried to catch them. 

“Look, it's no big deal. I was just kidding; you don't need to tell me anything.” 

“I should have called,” Derek whispered again. “I just left you there thinking I wasn't going to come.” 

“But you did come,” Stiles replied, trying to make Derek feel less guilty. “You're standing here right now, aren't you?” 

Derek finally found his eyes and that green color had never looked more tragic.

“Things happen, Derek. At least you came and apologized. Look, I have your pie. I kind of already ate mine but if you want to come to my house, you can eat it there and we can talk?” 

Derek nodded. “That would be good.” 

Stiles tried to suppress his smile. Something was wrong with Derek, he shouldn't have been happy about him wanting to escape his home and go to Stiles’s but he was. He wanted to comfort Derek. It broke Stiles’s heart to see him that way.

“You wanna just follow me?” 

“I-I don't actually have a car with me,” he muttered. “I just live right down the street so I usually walk here.” 

“Oh,” Stiles replied quickly, taking a few seconds to realize Derek needed a ride.“Oh! No problem, I'll just take you and drive you home whenever you wanna go. Is that okay with you?” 

Derek nodded, fiddling his thumbs awkwardly. Stiles couldn't stop himself from reaching forward and grabbing Derek’s hand like he had been longing to do all day except now, it wasn't for him, it was for Derek. 

“Hey,” he said softly, “come on, let's go. It's getting late anyway.” 

Derek squeezed his hand and moved with Stiles when he went toward the passenger side of the car. He let Derek slip in, closing the door behind him. Whatever was wrong with him, he didn't want to say. Stiles wasn't going to force it out of him. He just wanted to keep his mind off of it in any way possible. He climbed into the front seat and pulled away from the restaurant. 

He snuck Derek into his room when they got home, although there wasn't much need for the sneaking part. His parents were both asleep in their bedroom and Stiles hadn’t ever been more thankful than he was in that moment. Explaining why Derek was going into his room wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have. He just wanted to get Derek’s mind off of whatever was going on. 

Stiles shut the door behind them as Derek stood in the middle of the room looking uncomfortable. Stiles turned to him and offered him the pie. 

“I forgot a fork, I'll be right back,” Stiles announced. “Make yourself comfortable and stuff.” He hurried out of the room before he could make him feel more uncomfortable. 

Stiles almost made it to the kitchen when Stiles’s dad popped his head out of his room, looking at him with sleepy eyes. 

“Hey, kiddo.” 

“Hey, sorry I didn't mean to wake you.” 

“You just get in?” 

“Mhm, just a minute ago,” Stiles answered calmly. He was allowed to stay out late, that wasn't the issue. The issue was that he didn't really have a reason to stay out late. Without Lydia here, all he did was work and play video games at home and his dad knew that. 

“Alright, just wanted to make sure you got in okay. Sleep well, kid.” 

Stiles swallowed, “You too!” 

He waited for him to close the bedroom door before sneaking into the kitchen. He grabbed two water bottles, an energy bar for himself and a fork for Derek. Tiptoeing back to his room, he finds Derek curled up on the side Stiles sleeps on. It made his heart stop then flutter when he noticed he was asleep, peacefully asleep. 

Stiles smiled and set the waters and fork down on the desk. He ate the energy bar in silence, trying not to act like a creep and watch Derek. He probably should have woken him and taken him home but he was feeling selfish and didn't want to send Derek back when he obviously didn't want to go. Stiles began to get sleepy himself. He knew should have slept on the floor and given Derek the bed but his back was hurting from work and he figured if he kept to his side, then no harm would be done. 

The room filled with darkness as Stiles shut the light off and climbed into bed. Derek’s eyes fluttered open just as Stiles adjusted himself, the mattress squeaking under his weight. He startled, moving around on the bed until Stiles realized he probably didn't know where he was. 

“Hey,” he breathed into the darkness, reaching out so Derek could find him. He jumped and Stiles pulled back guiltily “It's just me, just Stiles. You fell asleep, I didn't want to wake you. I can bring you home if you want.” 

Stiles’s eyes adjusted in the dark and noticed Derek rubbing his eyes like he was trying to get rid of the sleepiness in them. He blinked in the dark. 

“I don't want to go home,” Derek whispered after a moment. “C-could I just stay?” There was a hesitancy in Derek's voice. 

“Yeah,” Stiles answered without pause. “Of course.” 

“Thank you, Stiles. I'm kind of a shitty friend, aren't it?” he scoffed humorlessly. Stiles’s heart stopped in pity. “I stand you up and then I fall asleep on you.” 

“It’s okay,” he whispered back urgently. “I didn’t mind, really. It’s not a big deal. You’re here right now, you’re awake, it’s all good.” 

Derek sighed. “Maybe I should go home.” 

“No!” Stiles blurted out without meaning to. It wasn’t like they were doing anything that made Stiles want him to stay; he just like knowing he was beside him, sleeping or not. It would sound weird if he put his thoughts into words, considering the boys hadn’t even gone on a date yet. “I mean, you can if you want. I’ll take you home but for whatever reason you don’t want to go back, maybe you should let yourself cool down before you go back.” 

“Do you even want me here?” Derek asked in a slightly raised voice that startled Stiles. 

“Derek, what?” 

“Do you want me here? In your room? Or are you just being nice? Because I keep thinking it’s the latter no matter how much I tell myself it’s not. It’s just that I don’t understand how someone can want someone in one moment and then not in the next. It doesn’t make any sense,” Derek rambled and Stiles froze. “How can someone be so in love with someone who doesn't love them back like that?” 

Stiles wasn't catching on as fast as he wanted. His mind reeled to understand the words but nothing was coming. 

“Derek-” he tried again but was cut off before another word could slip out.

“Do you want me here, Stiles?” 

_ Like here as in my bedroom? Or here as in my life?  _ Either way, the answer was yes in Stiles’s mind. 

“Derek, of course I do. I'm not understanding what you're saying. I'm sorry, I'm trying but apparently my brain at midnight doesn't function very well,” he said with a small laugh. 

Derek sat up and grumbled into his hand. 

“Seriously, Derek, talk to me.” 

“I'm sorry,” he rasped. “There's just a lot going on right now.” 

Stiles sat up too. “You know, you can talk to me, right? We’re friends.” 

“I know,” he whispered. “It's probably not even a big deal. I don't know why I'm being so dramatic.” 

“Whatever it is, you have a valid reason to be upset.” Stiles’s dad had told him that enough times during his panic attacks. Even if he didn't have a valid reason or he couldn't think of one, his parents always told him that he was allowed to be upset about whatever triggered him, no matter how minuscule.

Derek took a deep breath in. “It's just my parents.” 

At least they were getting somewhere. 

“What about them?” Stiles coaxed him gently. 

“T-they're getting a divorce,” Derek muttered into his hands, sighing heavily afterwards. “After 25 years, they're getting a divorce because my mom cheated.” 

Stiles’s heart ached for him. He couldn't imagine his parents getting divorced. It was such a norm for everyone at school but the thought of it happening to me made him uneasy. His parents were his platform, everything he wanted in a marriage, minus the whole man and woman thing but that was beside the point. 

“Derek, I'm so sorry.” 

Derek looked up in the dark, finding Stiles’s face. “You don't think it's dumb? I didn't show up at the restaurant because I was being a little bitch and crying in my room after they told me. Don't you find that pathetic?” There was so much displeasure in his voice. 

Stiles  _ needed  _ to make Derek feel better. He felt like if he didn't, he'd never be able to sleep that night. 

“Of course I don't find you pathetic, Derek,” Stiles whispered. “I would cry in my room too if my parents were getting divorced. You so aren't pathetic for feeling sad about it.” 

“I'm sorry I stood you up,” Derek repeated. “There was a lot going on in my mind. Why should I even try if they, after 25 years of marriage, can't even stay together? What's the point?” 

Stiles didn't really have an answer. He spent most of his adolescence trying to think of reasons to be straight because what was the point of being gay if nobody was ever going to like him. But now, there was Derek, lying across from him on his very bed. There was always a point to everything. Had Stiles decided to repress his feelings, he would have never met some great people who accepted him for who he was. He would have never gotten to have this moment with Derek and tell him it was okay to be upset. 

So instead of using words, Stiles just reached out and intertwined their cool fingers together, pressing their palms against one another. It was his attempt to convey what he wanted to say. 

“Just stay over tonight,” Stiles found himself saying, “until it blows over. We can get up in the morning and go to breakfast, somewhere away from all of this.” 

“L-like a date?” 

Stiles gulped. “I mean, if you want it to be?” he sounded so insanely nervous as he said it that he inwardly cringed. “Not if you don’t want to though. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I know you’re not out yet and that’s completely fine; that’s why I suggested somewhere away from here. But if you don’t want to, don’t worry about it. Just a suggestion. I wanted to take your mind off of what happened,” Stiles rambled until he forced himself to stop.

_ Please, let me take your mind off it.  _

Derek didn’t respond and it made Stiles feel self-conscious. He was about to backtrack and revoke his offer in embarrassment when Derek turned over, shifting onto his side so he faced Stiles head on. He didn’t let go of his hand even when he moved himself closer.  

“I would like that,” he murmured sounding apprehensive. Stiles could hear the  _ but  _ in his voice. 

“It’s okay,” Stiles assured. “You can sleep on it, okay? If you decide you want to go in the morning.” 

Derek nodded. “Thank you, Stiles.” 

“Yeah,” Stiles whispered back, “of course.” 

They fell asleep like that, hand in hand and with the silence of the room enveloping them. 

 


End file.
